You’re back home for winter break and ready to show off your new partying abilities. Time to reconnect with the old crew from high school and tear sh*t up. Maybe you’ve heard rumors about some of the crap that happened to your classmates while away at school, or maybe you just completely cut yourself off from that world. Either way, it’s time to find out who’s been up to what. Thanksgiving break was short-lived, but winter break gives you plenty of man hours to catch up. To prepare you for what’s in store, we put together this guide of cronies, phonies, and baloney riding ponies you’ll see out and about. Check it out after the jump.

With Mother Nature and Jack Frost double teaming everyone’s plans and coating most of the nation in their waste, you don’t get to see much skin. Eye candy is in limited supply, covered in thick wrappers that will take multiple Four Lokos mixed with medical marijuana sodas and topped with Whipped Lightning to remove. Luckily, a few years back Wave House had the great idea to start a “Beanies and Bikinis” contest, in which brave, shivering hotties donned skimpy swimwear and their favorite skullcaps (aka “beanies”) to see who is the coolest of the cold.

• Nothing like watching a drunk redneck get arrested
• A show for guys who like seeing people punch eachother
• Check out these stars stripping for charity
• If only she was still blind you might actually still have a chance
• An awards show you’re actually going to want to watch
• She’s looking red hot
• Someone is single and ready to mingle

Though the “holiday season” ranks lower than St. Patty’s Day and Cinco de Mayo in terms of top drinking holidays, we at COED tend to think it’s the longest lasting drinking holiday. While others get 24 hours to flex their beer muscles, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Festivus collectively occupy a month’s worth of partying. After that first week, you’ll get tired of the same old sh*t. So, why not snatch up some of these delectable holiday brews?

Guitar riff. Black van with red stripe blasting through some bushes. Mohawk. Disguises. Guns. Bigger Guns. Tanks falling from the sky. Helicopters. Cigars clenched by the strongest set of mandibles ever. If you have a problem. If no one else can help. You can call on … THE A-TEAM. Man, has this been a long time coming.

All rise for the presentation of our national beauties! The Olympics are good for two things – watching America grab gold medal after gold medal, and watching even hotter Olympians breaking world records for sexiness. Check out this gallery of the ten hottest ice Olympo-maniacs our dedicated research staff  could find.  And do not miss our special… Click to read more

• F-U Winter!

• 50 Best Jokes of the ’60s

• Brenda Warner Is Hot Now!

• Holly Madison Cleave-tastic View

• The Sex Offender Shuffle

• More Rachel Uchitel Bikini Pics

• Nine Inch Nails Touring Gear

In light of the news that New York Mets closer Billy Wagner will undergo surgery that will cost him at least one full year, the Mets find themselves without a closer at the back end of one of the most vulnerable bullpens in the league.  Surely, they must shore up this position in the off-season if they wish to improve upon their recent success and enhance their fu… Click to read more

Prepare for your mind to be blown: Scientist predict that there will be no ice at the North Pole this summer, the most dramatic evidence of global warming to date. Though the thaw is not yet complete, predictions set the odds at greater than 50:50 for a full meltdown.
Disappearance of the arctic ice will allow, for the first time in modern days, countries near th… Click to read more

Our favorite vacation destination features a buttload of beaches, bars and, um, other assorted B-words of fun.