We’ve been looking forward to the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen ever since it was announced, however, it seems Charlie’s backed off his near year-long, high-octane rampage over trolls. His ‘best wishes’ mini-speech at the Emmys indicates that maybe Sheen really had overdosed on Sheen; that sanity had been restored and the haggard, wild-eyed man who housed goddesses was now turning over a new leaf. While we understand it’s humanly impossible to keep up “the crazy train” forever, we’d like to pay homage to a man who might’ve paid for a lot of p*ssy but still got a fair amount of fine trim free of charge. Check out our list of his hottest hookups after the jump.

True Grit finally supplanted Little Martha Fockers at the top spot of the B.O. last week, taking in $14 million. New entry Season of the Witch reeled in $10 million at the #3 spot while Country Strong expanded by around 1,400 theaters and hauled in $7.3 mil in the #6 slot. What can we say, people prefer fictional witches with mystical powers over real bitches with the menstrual powers. Makes sense. This week’s entries feature a difficult moral decision, Seth Rogen as a superhero, and a robot doctor. Put down the confusing horoscope and read on.

“Black Swan” releases in select theaters this past Friday. It’s directed by Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler, Requiem For a Dream) stars Natalie Portman, Winona Ryder, and Mila Kunis. We never thought we’d say this, but we’ve never been more pumped for a ballet movie. If you haven’t seen the trailer or heard the hype, Portman has a sex scene with Kunis. You read that correctly. Thank you, Fox Searchlight. Those two would be sufficient enough but the producers poured it on with the likes of Janet Montgomery, Ksenia Solo, Kristina Anapau, and classic beauty Barbara Hershey. It’s got our Oscar vote for Best Picture!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 89 barely edged out the animated Rapunzel flick Tangled by a less than $350k. Burlesque took the fourth spot with $11 mil while boner rom com Love and Other Drugs was stronger than Faster. This week’s entries feature the best ballerina on ballerina kiss in the history of lesbianism, ninjas battling cowboys, a gay conman, Black Panthers, the afterlife, psycho yuppies, and Santy Claus. Anyone else watching the Scrooged marathon on AMC? Awesome, right? Read this first, though.

The Next Three Days came out this past weekend. The film stars Elizabeth Banks as a woman accused of murder. Her husband, played by Russell Crowe, attempts to clear her name. The thriller got us thrilled about all the crazy wives and girlfriends who could potentially murder someone, whether it be their mate, their extramarital date, or Jon and Kate Plus 8. Sure, we all get upset at our significant others once in a while and maybe we even fantasize about doin’ some damage but a lil’ thing called reason comes into our head and we chill the F out. We’re not so sure the same would happen for these wild WAGs.

As What Would Tyler Durden Do points out, Smallville began its 10th season earlier this week so the CW sent out pics of Laura Vandervoort as Supergirl. Though Laura is super hot, we wondered what other super sexy celebrities would look like in the Supergirl outfit. It didn’t take us long to find legions of photoshopped fakes featuring your favorite femme fatales in the good old blue, red, and gold. We’ve never been more jealous of the letter, ‘S’. Up, up, and away!

Brian Austin Greene made some kind of pact with the devil last night because he somehow convinced his on-again off-again girlfriend Megan Fox to marry him. And sadly he’s not the only undeserving assclown in Hollywood who manages to hook up with some of Hollywood’s A-list hotties. Here are 6 other guys who have seen far more sexy celebrity ass than anyone from their high school class would have ever predicted.

If the following guys lived anywhere but Hollywood, and did anything but entertain, these assclowns would be picking from the bottom of the babe food chain. But as it is, they are getting more undeserved booty than a fleet of pirates, shacking-up with some of Hollywood’s elite hotties. We’re not saying they’re bad people. All we’… Click to read more

Is explicit sex with a puppet NSFW?… Click to read more