Today’s WTF news items feature a former child star who almost had his final curtain call, a bunch of fat, bloated, pigs kicking off the Chinese Lunar New Year in New Taipei City, and a Burmese girl who will give you more than what you bargained for if you ask her for her digits. Read more WTF wackiness after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature a former porn star who’s stockpiling her talent roster with celebrity mistresses, a new planet that will put Jupiter in its place (finally!), and the possibility that we might owe the Nazis thanks for 3D film. Read more WTF wackiness after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature an NYU professor who did some hi-tech body modification and should probably look into getting Third Eye Blind to do a theme song, a 3 year old boy from New York who is defying all odds and proving we really DON’T use that much of our brains, and a vice principal in California who might be the coolest dude in the solar system. Read more WTF wackiness after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature a man with a truly special dong that doubles as a carrying case for drugs, a couple of artists who make masterpieces out of William S. Burroughs’ dung, and a survey that revealed 1/3 of Russians believe the sun revolves around the Earth. Read more wackiness after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature a potential Sarah Palin in the making in Tennessee, a government center in Fort Wayne, Indiana that should be named after a former illustrious mayor with a pretty funny name, and a burglar in Florida who just wants a job but won’t get a hand out with his pants down. Read more after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature a New York mom who thought she bought a kid-friendly cartoon and ended up scarring her kids for life with adult entertainment, a Columbia University study that revealed hoes use Facebook just as much as housewives, and a joint study spearheaded by Purdue University that says Minority Report inspired the technology behind robot nurses obeying commands through hand gestures. (*mimes beating off*) Read more wackiness after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature doctors putting poop back into their patients, 2 Live Crew rapper Luther Campbell’s bid to become the new mayor of Miami, and a country taking their love for horses to a whole ‘notha level. Read more after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature a Chinese teenager who looks like he messed with Crocodile Dundee, a washed up cow hitting rock bottom in Seattle, and a raccoon that came back to life and crushed the dreams and hopes of a North Dakota high school wrestling team. Read more after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature a car your girlfriend will want to put in her mouth, sailing the seven seas while high as a kite, and aliens slowly building their army across the galaxy to take us over. Read more after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items prove chicks are just as bad as dudes, featuring a true champion of animal safety, a driver who thought she was in a State Farm commercial, and a drug cartel queen who’s got the same last name as Mets outfielder so we’re assuming she’s a WAG. Read more about them after the jump!

Reuters reports the third annual sex survey by Shape and Men’s Fitness magazines revealed nearly four out of five women and three of five men say they believe texting, Facebook and other social networking tools cause new couples to jump into bed faster, but only 38% of women say they have actually slept with a date any sooner because of digital intimacy.

Today’s WTF news items feature a new college course that is sure to be a hit with the ladies (and closet homosexuals), a college math professor who pees by the numbers, and a 400 year old homicide case that still has a hung jury. Read more after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature a former Baywatch star fulfilling her lifelong dream, an Indonesian pop star who should seriously think about changing his name to Peterporn, and sex workers that should seek alternate means for getting to the Super Bowl. Read more after the jump!

Today’s WTF news items feature a gorilla that is most likely Snookin’ for love, a woman who will probably dominate in Trivial of Pursuit Beatles edition, and a convicted killer who thinks he’s the filet mignon for bears. Read more after the jump!

The AP reports National Guard troops at the Naco Border Patrol Station observed several people launching packages over the International Border fence via a catapult last week.

Mexican officials seized about 45 pounds of marijuana, an SUV, the catapult device, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Apparently, Mexico just entered Medieval Times… and I ain’t talkin’ bout no theme restaurant (which is awesome, btw). I think it would be funny if a movie were made about this story and one of the drug smugglers got real pissed at his gf for disobedience so he catapults her across the border. Then when he’s asked what happened to her, he goes, “it was just a fling”. Please mail Oscars to the office. Thanks, Academy.