In this, our global economy, everything is a matter of perspective.

At this moment, there are two distinct groups of people looking at each other wonder how the F*%K they got themselves into this situation, and moreover - how are they going to get out. Their situations are grave, and the future of their lives and livelihoods hang in the balance.

As if fate had deemed it necessary to pull these polar opposites together, the world now finds US Investment Bankers and Somali Pirates in the same “boat” - so to speak.

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To begin, it doesn’t matter how we got where we are. I really don’t care how often Obama wants to talk about who is to blame, but we are here now, we are screwed and we have to get out. YES, we know, McCain was not voted Miss Congeniality…we heard. And yes, no one really knows how to pronounce Ahmadinejad - we got it.

The sad part is, we sat around COED office drinking and watching the debate - and when it was done, we started talking and it was quite obvious that we were all watching different debates.

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“Are you ready to celebrate?  Well, get ready: We have ICE!!!!! Yes, ICE, *WATER ICE* on Mars!  w00t!!!  Best day ever!!” the Mars Phoenix Lander tweeted at about 5:15 pm.

You got that right, NASA scientists announced the best possibility of finding life on another planet–F’ing Martians–through Twitter, according to Wired.com. The news comes after photographic evidence of water ice (aka ice)–which holds the key to possible life on another planet–was taken within gathering reach of the Mars Lander.

Though photographs have been taken of what some believed was ice before, analysis proved inconclusive. But this time, they saw it melt. Read more

Twenty-four hours prior to the most humiliating moment of my life, I was riding high–it was a good day in Afghanistan. My platoon were the first troops from the 82nd in country, and our operational pace had been nonstop for four months. I’d seen a lot things, but nothing could prepare me for what was about to happen.

Several high-ranking officers had been selected to go have a meet-and-greet, diplomatic-type lunch with the Afghan warlords that ran the area. They selected me to accompany them to lunch. At the time, I thought that I was some sort of super-trooper, asked to attend because I was the best my unit had to offer. As a PFC (Private First Class), I was probably just there to fill a seat and provide some added level of security. Read more

Despite my opposition to the Iraq war, we still have to support the troops, and we should do whatever we can to make them feel better over, despite their circumstances.

But is sending in Cheerleaders the right move? I mean, you’re not getting laid for the most part while you’re at war. Do you really need hot chicks who won’t have sex with you shaking their asses in your face? Read more

I’ll be the first to admit that I did some messed up shit to my frenemies during my younger years. One time in middle school, my friends and I poured Snapple and mashed strawberries in a girl’s backpack because we were fighting for absolutely no reason.

Seeing as our military isn’t in middle school (though they are in a similar predicament: fighting for absolutely no reason), I’d expect a little more tact from them. But apparently the U.S. military has come down with the mean girls-syndrome that I suffered circa the strawberry incident.

No, they didn’t mash strawberries in the backpacks of Iraqi extremists. But they did do some very Regina George-esque plotting to create a gay bomb to use against enemy soldiers. A gay bomb. Seriously.

A watchdog organization that tracks military spending exposed the U.S. military’s plan to build a bomb that could turn opposing soldiers gay—consequently shifting their focus from fighting to sex, CBS reported.

The watchdog group found that “the Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistibly attractive to one another.â€? Read more