You have gone on awkward dates. You have tried to meet girls on the internet. You have even read books and blogs about how to get laid but you are still living a very sexless life. But forget all that nonsense. There are four very simple reasons the farthest you have ever gone is with your right hand. (more…)

“Virgins. I love ‘em. No diseases, no loose as a goose V-jay, no skank. No nothin. Just pure pleasure.”

Thus begins Larry Clark’s 1995 film Kids, in which the main character, Telly, is a cherry popping fiend. From this movie to the Virgin Mary to (most recently) Natalie Dylan, virgins have been endlessly idolized throughout history, not only as symbols of purity and innocence, but as things that are also awesome to put your d*ck in. And for some of the reasons outlined by Telly, this idolization makes a bit of sense. Sure, they don’t have diseases, and yeah, their vaginas are tight. But the ‘pleasure’ aspect of that laundry list? Hardly! F*cking virgins is way more headache than its worth and than it has EVER been made out to be. Here are the five worst things about deflowering a virgin. (more…)

Jesus F**king Christ! This Natalie Dylan selling her virginity thing is getting way, way, way out of hand. Since first announcing last September that she would be auctioning off her virginity at Nevada’s Bunny Ranch, over 10,000 men have put in bids for a chance to pop her golden cherry. No surprise there. But now the price has skyrocketed to more than $3.7 million! Let me repeat that: $3.7 million dollars to have sex with a virgin, once.  (more…)

As far as W.H.O.M. (World Health Optimization Management) is concerned, it’s a great idea to publish the sexual history of every human being in existence on the web for all to see.

The World Sexual Relationship Database is a user-run website that’s much easier to maintain than the crumpled-up “list” most dudes jot down on a piece of paper every few months/weeks/years. The layout is simple; it’s contents deep. Well, not deep yet.

When typing in my name, no partners popped up – meaning that I’M A VIRGIN. How could this happen? In this pissing-contest above all pissing-contests I’m embarrassed…and somehow relieved. Nobody must know about my one-night stand with a wrinkled, floppy-breasted Ukrainian mother doused in Vodka and regret. Whoops…

So, how accurate are these lists? Not very, according to my search on herpes-homeboy Derek Jeter. His listing only shows sexual connections to James Massengill and Alex Rodriguez – not the most reliable site of web sex stats, are we World Sexual Relationship Database? Then again, their Paris Hilton listing is much more telling… (more…)

Ladies, gentlemen: I am a slut.

No two ways around it: I like sex. I like sex with lots of different people. I like sex in lots of different ways. I like talking about sex. I like writing about sex. So I go out, and I hook up, and I do not always stick around to cuddle. This doesn’t mean that I’m all messed up inside, or that I need men’s approval (if you look at my “to do” list, you’ll see that “caring about men’s approval” is on the bottom, directly beneath “personally oversee the freezing-over of Hell”), or that I can’t be faithful or intimate when I fall in looooove.

It’s tough to define my motives for sleeping around, but, if I had to make a guess, I think it might have something to do with the fact that I have a huge freaking pleasure center in my crotch, and it feels good when people touch it. So yeah: I’m a slut. I call myself a slut. I let my friends call me a slut. I even let my dude call me a slut, although that happens exclusively in bed. (more…)

For those of you who don’t know Adriana Lima I’d say its about time you crawled out of the hole you’ve been living in for the last 5 years and smell the fresh early-afternoon air!

Lima, 26, is known for her work with Victoria Secret, and most famous because she still carries her “V-Card” if you know what I mean.

Yup, she was rightfully dubbed “The World’s Most Voluptuous Virgin” by GQ Magazine, and global studs like Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Prince Wenzeslaus of Liechtenstein (who the f*ck?) have all taken a one way trip on the Adriana Lima “Blue Ball” Express!

Frequent condom user? Getting a little tired of walking into a drugstore for “gumâ€? and just “happeningâ€? to decide to buy another pack? Do those people behind the counter know your face so well that they reach for the “extra lubricatedâ€? type before you do?

If so—let me first congratulate you on getting way more action than most of us—and second, how about I let you in on a new, limited time offer for free sexy stuff!?

Durex is looking for new “condom testersâ€? and wants to reward your safe-sex habits with free toys!

After logging on to their new website, all you have to do is fill out a one page form, click to send it in, and then wait to see if you’re one of the “1000 lucky men and lady folkâ€? who will become “official Durex condom testersâ€? and “get a bunch of free Durex products.â€?

Plus, you can even win $1000 just for answering a few questions. (more…)

As far as W.H.O.M. (World Health Optimization Management) is concerned, it’s a great idea to publish the sexual history of every human being in existence on the web for all to see.

The World Sexual Relationship Database is a user-run website that’s much easier to maintain than the crumpled-up “list” most dudes jot down on a piece of paper every few months/weeks/years. The layout is simple; it’s contents deep. Well, not deep yet.

When typing in my name, no partners popped up – meaning that I’M A VIRGIN. How could this happen? In this pissing-contest above all pissing-contests I’m embarrassed…and somehow relieved. Nobody must know about my one-night stand with a wrinkled, floppy-breasted Ukrainian mother doused in Vodka and regret. Whoops…

So, how accurate are these lists? Not very, according to my search on herpes-homeboy Derek Jeter. His listing only shows sexual connections to James Massengill and Alex Rodriguez – not the most reliable site of web sex stats, are we World Sexual Relationship Database? Then again, their Paris Hilton listing is much more telling… (more…)

Jenna Jameson is a renaissance woman, there’s no other way to describe her. In her thirty three years on this planet she went from being a humble stripper to the world’s most famous adult film star and from there she’s done everything from being a club owner, a cartoon, a TV star, and a New York Times best selling author. There is nothing this lady has not done. So what medium is the woman who brought adult entertainment into the mainstream going to conquer next? Comic books, Jenna Jameson is becoming a super heroine! (more…)