An 84 year old man has a horn growing out of his head, a 37 year old man who is NOT a former Pro Bowl running back gave a mind blowing present to an ex girlfriend and Sega wants you to pee on their newest release. Read more after the jump!

To celebrate Hump Day, we’ve put together this XXX-mas gift guide intended for mature audiences only. The following is designed to help guide you or your lover in choosing the best sex toys and accessories on the market today. With so many websites and products to chose from, it’s all too easy to get lost and confused. Luckily for you sexual trailblazers, I’ve personally done all the hard work so you don’t have to. It doesn’t matter if she’s been naughty or nice, if you want to stuff more than her stocking this holiday season then I suggest you start taking notes and pay attention!

Let’s be honest – we’ve never met a double-ended dildo we didn’t think had major potential. That said, when it comes to sex toys, things can get seriously out of hand in a heartbeat. So to avoid this fate, just check out Cracked.com’s 25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys, which will show you all the naughtiest numbers to avoid at all cost. You know, unless you’re into that kind of thing…

Monday 9/17 – You Just Don’t Feel Like It
Tuesday 9/18 – You’re Having Orgasmless Sex
Wednesday 9/20 – You Secretly Think Sex Is Dirty
Women’s magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn’t find elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren’t privy to. How they read into… Click to read more