“Virgins. I love ‘em. No diseases, no loose as a goose V-jay, no skank. No nothin. Just pure pleasure.”

Thus begins Larry Clark’s 1995 film Kids, in which the main character, Telly, is a cherry popping fiend. From this movie to the Virgin Mary to (most recently) Natalie Dylan, virgins have been endlessly idolized throughout history, not only as symbols of purity and innocence, but as things that are also awesome to put your d*ck in. And for some of the reasons outlined by Telly, this idolization makes a bit of sense. Sure, they don’t have diseases, and yeah, their vaginas are tight. But the ‘pleasure’ aspect of that laundry list? Hardly! F*cking virgins is way more headache than its worth and than it has EVER been made out to be. Here are the five worst things about deflowering a virgin. (more…)

“That bong doesn’t look anything like a vagina,” you might be thinking right now. And you couldn’t be more right. But that’s because it’s not supposed to look like a vagina. You’re supposed to stick it in one to use it.

Let’s let the patent do the talking:

The lower end cooperates with the wall of the vagina to form a water reservoir holding water in the lower end and the vagina. A stem is received into the inlet port with an end opening submerged in the water reservoir. Suction applied at the exit port draws air through the stem to bubble through the water reservoir to generate stimulatory vibrations transmitted to the vagina. Optionally, a bowl holding combustible material communicates with the stem such that smoke bubbles through the water reservoir to simultaneously filter and cool the smoke and generate stimulatory vibrations. (more…)

Paris Hilton Topless Pictures
[Grumpiest]

NJ Nets’ Dancers Are Dunking Divas
[Busted Coverage]

Rihanna in Leather [NSFW]
[Drunken Stepfather]

Biggest Mouth I’ve Seen
[Crave]

Jessica Simpson Is Not Ugly
[Hollywood Tuna]

Kate Beckinsale’s Vagina is a Tomb
[IDLYITW]

Drew Barrymore is a Bikini Babe
[Just Jared]

Starbucks!!
[Bastardly]

Steve Jobs is rich
[Valleywag]

Polar Cities to save us from horrible deaths
[Plenty]

Really Green Living
[College Candy]

Film School Rejects is dedicated to one thing: drunkenness. The site has been slowly turning its readers into stumbling drunk fools by making drinking games out of each weeks new movie releases.Take a look at some of the most ridiculous drinking games of 2008 — some of which will definitely lead to death if done correctly. As a bonus, there’s a special drinking game for Awards season, which can be played while watching any movie that earns an award nomination between now and the Oscars.

Superbad Drinking Game

God bless Judd Apatow for ushering in a new slate of R-rated comedies. We got trashed watching Katherine Heigl take it from Seth Rogan in Knocked Up earlier this year. Now, we’re going to offer a toast to Superbad.

And now, to cover our butts… This game is only for people over the age of 21. Please drink responsibly… unless you’re cops with guns, in which case you can do whatever you want.

TAKE A DRINK WHENEVER…. (more…)

I’m not sure if film-festival favorite Teeth, a story of a girl practicing abstinence who happens to have a toothy, terrifying vagina, is a straight-up horror flick or a delicious exercise in dark satire. Whatever Teeth turns out to be, expect to hear a strong buzz about it leading up to its limited release in theaters (New York and L.A.) November 30.

Nobody likes it when girls use their teeth (except for masochists):

The crotch wars have officially begun…

First, College Candy reported that German perfume company Vulva Original (website NSFW) had concocted the real scent of a woman – a vagina-scented spray for fetishists.

Now the fellas have hit back hard with Tom Ford’s latest fragrance.

Tom Ford’s chemists have struck gold with Black Orchid, the smell of a man’s junk. Because who doesn’t want to smell like sweaty balls all day?

You know when people say, “Oh f*** man, take a shower – you smell like balls”? You can now smell that way all day, on purpose. (more…)

I’m down for poonany preservation, but this is something else.

Virgin Cream, a $60 cream that acts as a vajajay time-machine of sorts that (supposedly) tightens up a woman’s womanhood back to its more “youthful” days. The website boasts claims such as this:

If You Would Like To:

Be a woman that nearly all men… just can’t resist, this is going to be the most important message you will ever read.

Here Is Why:

Let’s face it… almost any woman can get a man to have sex with her. You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t have to be sexy. You don’t have to have a great body. Basically, you just have to be a woman who will say “yes” and thousands of men will have sex with you…

Once!

But, what if you want that same man to call you for another date? Well, that might NOT be so easy. But, what if there was a way to make sure… almost every man… wanted to go out with you again? Better yet, what if there was a way to make having sex with you… so fantastic… the man you are interested in… couldn’t even think about another woman? What if there was a way to make having sex with you… so good… a man would do anything… even marry you… to keep you in his bed?

Whoa! Talk about demoralizing! I love it. (more…)

The hot tub: thought by many to be the ultimate in places to have sex. It’s comfortable, relaxing, heated – it’s the aquatic equivalent of a vagina! So why should you not have sex in one?

According to studies by a (virgin) urologist, hot tub humping may not be very safe.

The old rumor of man becoming infertile after too many trips to the tub has been proven correct – but how long must you stay in the water? A week? If your testicles have been heated up to a rolling boil, yes – you should probably get out of the hot tub.

It’s also common knowledge that yes, you can get a girl pregnant in a hot tub. Wear a condom, Aquaman, and all of your troubles will be gone.

In other words, don’t let anybody – scientists, urologists, virgins, moms – deprive you of performing the ultimate. As a man it’s your god-given right to experience hot tub sex. (more…)

You know when you walk into your dorm room and get a little skeeved out because it’s like, real obvious someone just had sex in there?

Well, apparently, there are people who want that slight but noticeable smell around them at all times.

Vulva Original (I’m not joking) is one of the newest sexual oddities to hit the market.

Its developers insist Vulva “is not a perfume.â€? Instead, they describe their product as “a beguiling vaginal scent which is purely a substance for your own smelling pleasure.â€?

Ew. (more…)

Tues. 9/18 – You Just Don’t Feel Like It
Wed. 9/19 – You’re Having Orgasmless Sex
Thurs. 9/20 – You Secretly Think Sex Is Dirty

Women’s magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn’t find elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren’t privy to. How they read into our behavior, how they perceive our actions, what their true expectations are… there’s plenty to be learned from a glimpse into the other side.

AskMen.com will be providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence — without the embarrassment that comes with retrieving it from your girlfriend’s magazine rack. We’ll be publishing a series of features from iVillage.com; articles originally written by women for women, but with insight that’s invaluable to men. Of course, in exchange, we had to offer up some intelligence of our own…all the more reason for you to get on the inside track as soon as you can.

You just don’t feel like it. (more…)