Today, we want to thank all the good men and women of the United States armed services who’ve sacrificed for the security of our nation. And you can do the same by sending care packages to our troops overseas, helping homeless veterans or participating in today’s Veterans Day festivities. We, on the other hand, decided to gather up a bunch of hot chicks in armed services-related bodypaint. Yeah, it’s awesome.

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For most guys, Valentine’s Day (which is Saturday, BTW) just means a lot of planning, stressful card-buying and  spending a lot of money on a chick that would ordinarily have sex with you for free.  So we’ve put together a whole lot’a voluptuous V-Day vixens to help you amp yourself up for the romantic run-around – and to give you something to help get you through the dry period afterward, if you happen to f**k things up.

Hey! It’s Valentine’s Day! Exclamation point!

If you’re anything like me, you find Valentine’s Day silly and not important in the grand scheme of a relationship. Still, you would be quite the a**hole to not show some sort of nice gesture on the holiday. If anything, mocking it is the best way to go. If your girl isn’t a humorless sack of ice in the lap, reserve a candlelit dinner at White Castle, or something to that extent. Do something fun and spontaneous that doesn’t require you or her stressing about money.

Or, you can order a gift today to be delivered in the near future. Who cares if it arrives late – it’s a gift. Who gets mad about receiving a gift, really? (more…)

This Valentine’s Day, forget about the one you love and remember the one you loathe. Thanks to mailadouche.com, reaching out to that obnoxious a**hole in your life just got a heckuva whole lot easier…and a helluva lot more fun!

Yes, that’s right: for the price of just two $4.00 coffee drinks (Starbuck$ LOLZ), you can show your favorite D-bag just how much of a douche bag he really is with his very own… douche bag.

Yes, that’s right: a douche bag. A douche bag for a douchebag.

Some restrictions may apply:

While mailadouche.com cannot let you write a personal note to the recipient – legal red tape, I suppose – they can package a letter with the delivered douche bearing his (or her!) name.

I love it when multi-million dollar companies realize the humor and irony in their establishment, using their disadvantages to their everybody’s advantage.

This Valentine’s Day save yourself a few hundred-thousand dollars and treat your significant other to a candlelit dinner at White Castle. It’s uber-romantico, and as tasteful as the microwaved mush you’ll be served. What’s not to like?

Face it, couples: Valentine’s Day is a crock. It’s not celebrating of worth, outside of how much money can you spend proving your love to somebody. Since when did two-dozen roses and an expensive dinner once a year constitute a healthy, loving relationship?

Put your girl to the test: if your partner finds the idea of eating burgers at White Castle unfunny and disgusting, they are humorless and ought to be let go for somebody with a better sense of humor.

Don’t all women love a great sense of humor, anyhow?

Reservations are being taken now, so act quick. That’s right – you need a reservation. Genius.