With The Twatlight Gaga: New Poon coming out this weekend, I can’t help but feel more than a little peeved at how much attention vampires are receiving. More specifically, it irks me to no end to see hordes and hordes upon hordes of women swoon, seizure, and pass out over the mere mention of a vampire. No matter what the flick or show, chicks be lovin’ dem bloodsuckers. Well, I say they’re c*cksuckers! The increase in popularity signals a decrease in machismo and respect for the male vampire. Now, let me COUNT the ways in which the vampire SUCKS:

Vampires completely contradict everything I’ve ever striven for. They don’t have money, they don’t workout, they act effeminate most of the time, they slink around and sneak up on you and act all depressed. If you did any of this in real life, you’d be picked up by the cops on charges of third degree loitering and second degree creepery. So, why do girls get all orgasm-y when a vampire swoops in through the window? Is it because they’re outcasts? If that’s the case, then why aren’t Cameron Frye and Crispin Glover swimming in vagina? (more…)

Tweens across the nation are in a tizzy over today’s release of New Moon, the much-anticipated second installment in the Twilight Saga.  And as much as we love Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, vampires and werewolves, for our money SNL’s Firelight parody with Taylor Swift as one of the Franks beats New Moon in spades.  Twilight Bad, Firelight Good.

Seth Rogen fatigue is setting in, so we left The Green Hornet off the list. Ditto to the inevitable Nightmare on Elm Street remake, even though it landed Jackie Earle Haley to play Freddy Krueger. Remakes of Clash of the Titans and Death at a Funeral and the possible Ben Stiller/Tom Cruise comedy The Hardy Men might be good, but there were too many other interesting movies to pick from.

Check out the 20 Most Anticipated Movies of 2010, here!

Seth Rogen fatigue is setting in, so we left The Green Hornet off the list. Ditto to the inevitable Nightmare on Elm Street remake, even though it landed Jackie Earle Haley to play Freddy Krueger. Remakes of Clash of the Titans and Death at a Funeral and the possible Ben Stiller/Tom Cruise comedy The Hardy Men might be good, but there were too many other interesting movies to pick from.

So what does that leave? Well, it’s an accepted fact that Hollywood has run out of ideas and is just coasting on remakes and sequels, so while putting together this list, we tried to come up with as many totally original movies as we could. In the end, we’ve got four sequels, three of which are based on books; four additional non-sequels based on books; three movies based on TV shows; and one based on a well-known legend.

That left only six original movies. Oh well. Despite that, we think we put together a damn good list. (more…)