So while some of us might be disappointed that the new iPhone is actually a reworked iPhone 4, Apple surprised the world by announcing a new Steve Jobs 2. The Onion broke the news story, explaining that the new Steve will now have a white turtle neck, and a “richer, deeper voice.” So typical of Apple, just adding some aesthetic changes to their products and trying to pass it off as ‘new and improved.’ Check out the breaking news after the jump!

In today’s world, there’s an app for pretty much anything. And within these ‘anything’ categories, there are hundreds of individual apps to choose from. What should you buy? What should you try out? COED sorts out the best from the rest in our Apps of the Week feature. This week, we’re staying in the loop with the rest of the world and looking at news apps and magazines! Check ‘em out after the jump.

Comedy Central’s newest show, “SportsDome” is from the wise-cracking geniuses behind The Onion and their Onion Sports Network (“OSN”). The half hour program is a dead on parody of ESPN’s SportsCenter with quick, flashy segments infused with The Onion’s own brand of dry wit. Last night’s episode featured a very special human interest story that poked fun at Chris Connelly‘s “My Wish” series. The segment, called “Wish Zone”, featured an 8 year old cancer patient named Allison Pencey who happened to be a huge Phillies fan. She also has a great distaste and contempt for Mets third basemen David Wright. Watch the video after the jump!

COED Magazine was invited to go kick off the new season of the Onion’s SportsDome at the Brass Monkey in Manhattan. We walked in to a packed house and all the Newcastles we could drink. You literally had to squeeze through the bodies to get anywhere. Then, we found the VIP section…

The week ahead will bring you plenty of TV action. Reality, comedy, drama, and horror are all in store for this week. Here is what we’re looking forward to watching.

The X Life – VH1 – Monday, January 10, 10 p.m. (ET)
Series premiere. This reality show follows extreme athletes and the women in their lives. Featured athletes include Pierre Luc Gag… Click to read more

Obnoxiously bright blues, greens and various shades of pink are walking, talking and dancing all around me. For some reason the intensely colored, and revealing dresses are the focus of my attention initially, not the girls wearing them. I can’t help but think this was a bad idea. I’m nervous. This isn’t an excited, happy nervous; it’s an anxious, uncomfortable nervous. I’ve never been to a strip club before.

It’s been six years since the now-ubiquitous hilariously useless Segway travel machine came into the world. Watch here as The Onion news panel discusses how this magic vehicle has affected life in the 21st Century.

Now that Barack Obama has been elected, his supporters are quickly realizing that there is nothing else meaningful to the rest of their life. So instead of “Yes we can,” it’s “Yes, I suck.” The Onion has the full report.… Click to read more

Obnoxiously bright blues, greens and various shades of pink are walking, talking and dancing all around me. For some reason the intensely colored, and revealing dresses are the focus of my attention initially, not the girls wearing them. I can’t help but think this was a bad idea.
I’m nervous. This isn’t an excited, happy nervous; it’s an anxious, uncomfort… Click to read more