Hey fellas: want to know a sure-fire way to get a chiseled body without foolish, time-wasting activities like exercising and a healthy diet? Want to throw back a six-pack while maintaining some sick, six-pack abs? It can be done - all you have to do is get “abdominal etching,” which is a nice way to say “male liposuction.”

Six-pack surgery is a medical procedure that sucks that extra fat out of your beer gut followed by the etching in of faux-abs, all for the cost of a semester’s tuition. The outcome looks like you lost a couple pounds and applied magic marker to your stomach in hopes of fooling anybody willing to see your obvious lack of physique.

It’s unbelievable that guys would actually go to these extremes. Contrary to popular belief, there are at least three types of girls when it comes to body appreciation: girls who want their man chiseled and defined; girls who love rail-thin body types and girls that can’t get enough of beer-guzzling, hoagie-scarfing men who enjoy enjoying themselves. If you feel inclined to mangle your body with pricey surgery, the most may be better spent on a shrink. Read more

Imagine it’s a Friday night and you are pressed for time. No chance you can show up to the raging kegger sober but it seems like you can’t get wasted fast enough.

So how can you get wasted faster? Beer funnel? Rip double shots? Jungle juice?

Gastroenterologist Dr. Dale Prokupek says that the absorption of alcohol occurs in only one way: “The alcohol has to go across the mucosa and into your blood stream.” Mucosa being the thin mucus membrane found in your mouth, stomach…and in your butt.

Hang on! In your butt? Read more

After 13 innings, the Colorado Rockies take the NL Wild Card from the San Diego Padres. (Yahoo)

Schools the world over ban hugs between students. See? I was right in 7th grade - hugs do get you pregnant! (My Way)

Britney Spears, fresh off losing custody of her kids, shows up at the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills, spending her cash and flashing her ass. I can’t believe I’m starting to like - nay, love - K-Fed. (TMZ)

I can’t possibly expand on this: “Sex in Car: Hooker Mom Snorts Cocaine Off Baby’s Stomach While Breastfeeding.” (Breitbart)

Hillary Clinton’s laugh (dubbed the “Clinton Cackle”) is no laughing matter. (Wonkette)

Garry Kasparov: world chess champion, Russian and…presidential candidate in Russia? (CBS)

“Quick-fix exercises are generally poor substitutes for hard work, but the following exercises are simple enough to do in the comfort of your own home without sacrificing effectiveness. If you perform them a few times a week, you will stimulate your abdominal muscles enough to keep your core strong. But beware: You probably won’t see the results you’re hoping for unless you combine these exercises with a healthy diet and a regular cardiovascular regimen.”

“For all of the exercises, make sure to suck in your stomach, which will activate your transversus abdominis, the muscle that should always fire before any other core muscle.” Read more