It’s not hard for a bad movie to open on top of the weekend box office chart — a combination of heavy marketing, recognizable stars, and a simple concept pretty much assures it.  Every month, for example, a new bad horror movies comes and goes.  Remember The Messengers, Darkness Falls or Urban Legends: Final Cut?  They were all the #1 movie in America at one point.

Romantic comedies work the same way: Forces of Nature, Monster-in-Law, and Failure to Launch all topped the box office in their day.  And then there’s the awful kids’ movies that lazy parents pay for: Scooby Doo…Pokemon…The Pacifier…and the list goes on.

The thing about all these movies is that they’re passively bad.  Everybody already knew they would suck, and they’re quickly forgotten.  Sometimes, however, a movie opens at #1 that is really bad.  Offensively bad.  Beg-for-your-money-back, sign-of-the-impending-apocalypse bad.  Here are the 10 Worst Movies to Open at #1.  (more…)

The holy grail of dating is to actually find a girl who’s hot but is still willing to go out with you.  And as you’ve already figured out, that’s really hard.  But even if you’re not as attractive or as suave as that friend who has so much sex you want to punch him, even if you “have no game,” there are a few ways to tip the scales in your favor.  These aren’t magic bullets.  They’re practical, actionable things that you can do to help you snag that gorgeous girl who it turns out has low enough self esteem to actually go for you. (more…)

You’re in for a treat this summer: Star Trek is poised to be a popular success on the level of Iron Man.  It’s exciting, funny, and entertaining in ways that are accessible both to die-hard Trekkies and average movie lovers… except for the parts where it sucks.

I had a chance to see Trek at an advance screening last week, and yes, I liked it a lot.  But the critics have already started over-praising it Dark Knight-style, and I know everybody else is going to join in soon too.  So allow me, just for a moment, to counterbalance the raves with some sanity and present to you the reasons Star Trek might not be the best thing ever.  (Be warned that there are spoilers in this article.) (more…)

We’ve got some good videos to start out the week. First up, we’ve got disappointed dogs dressed in Star Wars costumes. Then there’s the first minute to Nailin’ Paylin. The best recession meal: squirrel melts! Beck has a new video, “Modern Guilt”. A dumbass slams into a fence. A list of the “Worst Political Ads, Ever”. And Apple responds to Microsoft’s new ad campaign.

Star Wars + Coming to America = A HA!

Have you ever wondered if Hollywood studios reuse the same scream effect over and over again? If you have, it’s with good reason.

The infamous death scream – “aaaaaaiiiyyeeeeaaaaaahhhh” – is called the Wilhelm Scream. The scream was actually a stock effect used in the 1951 film Distant Drums; it has been used in over 200 movies since, ranging from Star Wars to Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

But forget history: why read about the Wilhelm Scream when you can see and hear it in all its glory?

The Wilhelm Scream Compilation:

Warner Bros. development department is compiled mostly of wh*res.Why the harshness do you ask? Good question, and my answer is simple. Don’t f**k with perfection.

Did the Vatican say, “Ya know Benny, da’ta ceiling on’a da’ chapel sure is molte bene, but don’t you a’ wish we coulda’ redo it wit a little CGI? Lika’ da’ Matrix?” No they didn’t. In ‘72, did Shula say, “You know what guys, I know we are undefeated but I want to make sure everyone gets a chance to play – Go on third team! You’re in!” No he did not. Did Ron Jeremy say, “You know what, maybe I shouldn’t be the only 350 lb porn star with DD-man-boobs – Jenny Craig here I come!” Hells no, the Hedgehog did no such thing.

Why, pray tell, would anyone in their right mind agree to remake Enter the Dragon.

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