Modern-day pirates at large in Somalia and Nigeria. I didn’t know pirates really still existed; my dreams have come true! How about dragons while we’re at it? (MSNBC)

Brit’s hit gets her booked…at the LAPD. (TMZ)

A Hellraiser remake is in the works! It’s the first one since…what the hell is this? How many more Hellraiser movies does one need? (One more is the answer.) (Hollywood Reporter)

Face it: nobody wants to see you wearing PJs in class. Ever. (College Candy)

Chef Ramsay, eat your heart out: wheelchair-bound man killed after serving his wife eggs that were not prepared to her liking. (News24)

Ladies be warned: you can’t change a player’s game in the 9th inning. (NY Post)

When violators of driving laws are stopped, Illinois will take their toll. (Chicago Sun-Times)

A Headmaster in the U.K. school system says children should have “a daily dose of fear.” When reached for comment, Severus Snape didn’t return calls immediately. (DailyMail)

Women directors help raise bottom line in businesses, among other things… (Reuters)

“Happy Birthday, mom!” “Thank you very much, my two 30-something sons with outstanding moral fiber! Now cut the cake…I said THE CAKE!!” (Sun-Times)