Out of the myriad of things wrong with today’s society, we need to thank Matt and Trey for calling attention to one of the greatest underlying causes of racial tension in the United States. Urination etiquette is of course the underlying issue, but as we all learned last night – there are just too many minorities in our waterparks. (To be fair though, there are a growing number of fat white people wearing t-shirts in the pool as well.)

(Check Out The Full Episode Here)

Not My Water Park – Lyrics

What has happened to this place
I don’t recognize it anymore
It used to be so fun and special
What is life worth living for

The dream is dead
Our land is gone
There’s a hole in my heart
And I can’t go on

There are too many minorities (minorities)
At my water park (my water park)
This was our land, our dream (our dream)
and they’ve taken it all away

They just keep coming and coming (minorities)
I tried to go and tell the police
But even the authorities
Are minorities (are minorities)
At my water park

There’s no place for me to sit anymore
And the lines just keep getting crazier
There are Mexicans all around me
The lazy river has never been lazier

It’s a 40 minute wait to go down one slide
And the instructions are in Spanish on the Zip Line ride (just do it in English!)

There are too many minorities (too many)
At my water park (somebody do something)
Where did they all come from
Why can’t they leave this land alone

And it’s such a tragedy (feel a bit like dying)
We looked the other way too long
We’ve got to change our priorities
And get all these minorities
Out of my water park

(Minorities) Mexicans and Asians
Black people
I think I even saw Native Americans (gross)

God I’m asking please
Get all of these minorities
Out of my water park (my water park)

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Wednesday night, South Park’s new episode tore Kanye West a new one, for being such an arrogant douche. But it looks like the hitmaker has seen the light, having responded to the episode on his blog with surprising self-reflection from someone who’s already announced themself to be the “voice of this generation.” (more…)

“Life goes by pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, and do whatever you want all the time, you could miss it”…or so says Eric Cartman from South Park.

This is just one of many life lessons that you will learn by reading South Park: Guide To Life by creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Did I mention the guys even got the perennial whipping boy of South Park Brian Boitano to write the forward? What a good sport!

Those who watch the show will agree, South Park has proven to be one of the most socially relevant and downright hilarious television shows of all time. No series skewers pop culture and politics with more effective wit and wisdom than South Park – which is why it makes almost perfect sense that they would have a guide to life.

The book, which hits stores in April, will offer riotous twisted insights and council that’s sure to resonate with college students, recent grads and fans alike.

And just remember, as the Judge of South Park says while speaking to Eric, “I am making an example of youu to send a message out to people everywhere: that if you want to hurt another human being, you’d better be damn sure they’re the same color as you are.”

When it comes to social commentary, South Park takes the proverbial cake, constantly cutting through the bullsh*t to get to the nut of the matter with hilarious vulgarity and awesome story-lines. But anyone who watched last Wednesday’s South Park election episode, “About Last Night” was crapping their pants in amazement at the timeliness of the show, which included the results of Tuesday’s election, lines from both John McCain and Barack Obama’s speeches from less than 24-hours before and the explosive celebration of Obamaniacs after his big win that perfectly matched their real-life drunken euphoria.

Immediately, we started asking, how the hell did they do it? Did they make two episodes, one for an Obama victory, one for McCain? Did they have some inside info only available to elite cartoonists? Did they just bank on the polls being right and go for broke? Fortunately, IGN TV was able to get co-creator Matt Stone on the line for an answer.  (more…)

Don’t feel like voting today? You better get out there and make a decision or Puff Daddy and his Vote or Die crew will show up to your house.  In this South Park clip Stan can’t decide if he wants to vote so Puffy helps him out.

With a name like Luisana Lopilato, you have to be famous. And this 21-year-old Argentinian actress and model has been blowing up in South America since the age of 12 with her roles in Chiquititas and Rebelde Way. And to go along with growing her celebrity, Luisana just got hotter and hotter, landing on the cover of Maxim and tons of other publications. When you’re this freakin’ gorgeous, you can pretty much do anything you want.

Saturday, October 11th

U.S. Tax System Explained In Beer

It is very easy to get confused when someone explains the US Tax system, but my buddy sent this e-mail chain message that breaks it down by relating the system to something we all understand very well – splitting the beer tab…Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this…

Twelve Years ago, Joe Torre became the manager of the New York Yankees and guided them to the pinnacle of the baseball world in only his first season at the helm.  When Charlie Hayes made the final out in Game 6 of the 1996 World Series, the Yankees won the world championship for the first time in 18 years. This season he left the throne of New York to seek out another opportunity to prove his managerial superiority of this game.

Friday, October 10th

Ridiculously Rad Rollergirls

Saturday marks the 8th annual Texas Cavello Cup Roller Derby Championship and that means tons of super hot, tattooed, badass chicks brawling it out to become the queens of the rollergirl world. From the Cherry Bombs to the Rhinestone Cowgirls, these hardcore roller derby girls aren’t just hot, they could kick your ass with their eyes closed.

South Park Enjoys Raping Indiana Jones

Who needs SNL when rabid anal pummeling is readily available on Comedy Central? The geniuses behind South Park brilliantly spoofed Steven Spielberg and George Lucas raping Indiana Jones on Wednesday night and (surprise, surprise!) the execs at Paramount aren’t happy.

The episode, Olympic Nightmare, shamelessly draws from those please-god-make-it-stop scenes in The Accused and Deliverance. Anytime one of the SP boys screams “rape!” you know the show is about to go from funny to masterful.

Thursday, October 9th

How to Create the Ultimate Bachelor Pad

How do you create the ultimate bachelor pad so a lady – or possibly many ladies – will come through and not be turned off by the fact that you live in your own sh*t.

The most important things to keep in mind when designing your bachelor pad are: YOU must be comfortable there. A WOMAN should not be uncomfortable there. It should reveal your PERSONALITY. It should be a FUNCTIONAL place to live. It should look like a MAN lives there.

Boring News Day Playlist

Some days, there just isn’t that much interesting happening in the world. But instead of leaving you to click aimlessly through pages of boring news, we thought we’d brighten things up with a couple of tunes to go alone with it. So forget about the election for a while, sit back, relax and get ready to rock out!

Wednesday, October 8th

The 52 Best Natural Breasts of All-Time

If you haven’t noticed, we here at COED love women. We couldn’t live without them – neither could you. Another thing you might not have noticed is that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Since we much prefer the lovely ladies of the world happy, healthy and whole, we thought we’d help out.

Karissa and Kristina Shannon: Meet Hef’s New Twins

Meet the 19-year-old Kristina and Karissa Shannon otherwise known as Shannon Twins and Hugh Hefner’s new slumber party favorites. Both models from Hollywood, CA, these teenagers fill all the criteria that Hef has for a woman – young and blond. Which, if you’re going to only have two criteria, is a pretty good way to go. You know, we were just starting to feel sorry for the old brute. But in light of this new information – f**k that!

18 Facts Regarding Alcohol Use In College

College students drink – it’s a known fact. But the statistics regarding the level of intoxication in the future leaders of America seem to slip just beneath the radar. How much are you drinking? How much is everyone else drinking? Find out here.

4 Questions for Entourage Season 5

Arguably the best show on television, Entourage, is in the middle of it’s fifth season. For those of you who watch the program, there are a lot of questions that still have to be answered before this season is up. And I’m stuck wondering how they are going to resolve some of the issues that are still out on the table. For those of you who don’t watch the show or who have it on DVR, I don’t think any of these questions are spoilers, but read with caution.

Tuesday, October 7th

Busty Bartender Beauties

Every time you first walk in the door of a bar you’ve never been to before, you check out a couple of things before deciding whether or not to say: First, does the clientele look like a bunch of douchebags? Second, is the bartender hot? If the answer to the second question is yes, even a room full of tools can make the evening worth it.

Even though you won’t get her number, since every dude in the place has already asked her for it, few things beat an evening of sloshing it up with your bros while a bodacious babe serves you drinks and calls you “Honey.” To honor these alcoholic angels of the night, we’ve scoured the Web to put together all the best busty bartenders we could find. So grab yourself a cold one, sit back and enjoy.

One Year Later…Girls Still Enjoy Flaunting Their Drunken Madness on Facebook

Why aren’t people still up in arms about girls flaunting their drunken madness on Facebook? The topic was hot as a pistol – covered by almost every news source just days after the controversial group “30 Reasons Girls Should Call It A Night” was created, but now, almost a year later, the drama has subsided. It’s time to rustle some feathers by unleashing our infamous and well commented COED post back into the wild for a whole new batch of COED users to enjoy.

How To Buy Porn

It was such an exciting time in my life. Turning eighteen, a monumental event for one reason – I could buy porn. Yes, I could also buy cigarettes and lotto tickets but those aren’t nearly as fun. What makes me think of this was something that happened yesterday. I was in Borders, over in the men’s magazine section, which happens to be right next to the porn section. No big deal. As I was browsing, these three teenagers come over to the porn and start acting like they have never seen a pair of t*ts in their lives. “Oh man, catch out these boobs.” What tools!

Monday, October 6th

Bikini Car Wash Girls

I hate to say it, gentlemen, but summer is over. The leaves are changing and a cold wind is blowing in – and that means all the bootylicious sidewalk eye-candy is about to go into hibernation for the winter, or at least turn into sweater kittens.  To properly pay homage to the warm months of 2008, we’ve turned to one of the best parts of summer – the bikini car wash. From the original, ground-breaking scene in the late Paul Newman’s classic Cool Hand Luke to the hot neighbor you saw washing her new car last week, sexy girls getting wet, soapy and almost naked will forever have a place in our hearts.

The Week In Re-Boob: Sept. 29th – Oct. 5th

Welp, it’s Monday, again, and you know what that means! Another Week In Re-Boob! We’ve got all the hottest galleries the interweb has to offer. So don’t worry if you missed any of last week’s skintastic sexiness, we’ve got you completely covered. You might want to take a deep breath before diving into this one.

Juice-Up Your Arnold Palmer

Golf legend Arnold Palmer’s drink of choice is a half iced tea/half lemonade concoction that bares his name. There’s nothing better than an ice cold Arnie to chill you out on a hot afternoon. One thing I never thought about doing was adding alcohol to the drink – it would make the perfect triple threat.

Gays Rejoice with Petruzelli’s Win

So the meanest homeless man in the world was destroyed by the most outspoken self-described “goofy homo” I have ever seen. There are some pretty disturbing pictures out there that put this new MMA hero into a new light. All of a sudden, Chapelle’s sissy fights does not seem too far away.  Yet, in other circles, CBS is reeling from their long-term relationship with Elite XC which is almost completely based on the saleability and marketability of Kimbo Slice. What is ironic, is the backlash taking place in the network and in Elite XC itself. It appears that Kimbo did not want to fight Seth, and actually insisted on a cash bonus of $10,000 to take the fight.

Sunday, October 5th

The One Buckeye Who Hates Pryor

If there’s one Ohio State student out there that hates Terrelle Pryor, it’s definitely Todd Boeckman.  Boeckman was the starting quarterback that led the Buckeyes back to the BCS National Championship Game last season and planned on returning to Columbus with his sights set on a return trip to the title game and more importantly, a first round selection in the upcoming NFL Draft.

Who needs SNL when rabid anal pummeling is readily available on Comedy Central? The geniuses behind South Park brilliantly spoofed Steven Spielberg and George Lucas raping Indiana Jones on Wednesday night and (surprise, surprise!) the execs at Paramount aren’t happy.

The episode, Olympic Nightmare, shamelessly draws from those please-god-make-it-stop scenes in The Accused and Deliverance. Anytime one of the SP boys screams “rape!” you know the show is about to go from funny to masterful. (more…)

November 23rd is Officially Free Dr. Pepper Day

Gisele Bundchen Films Music Video On Melrose Ave!

New Apple Notebooks… It’s about eff-ing time.

Hot USC Volleyball Player Is Daughter Of NHL GM

A Well Stocked Refrigerator Will Get You Laid

The Stripper Muppet Is Back

Lolitas Make It Hard for Pedophiles

Conan The Raver

10 Concert Moments That I Wish I Could Have Seen Live

‘South Park’ vs. Lucas and Spielberg: Too far?

Farrakhan Thinks Obama’s The Messiah

ESPN’s Wilbon says Kimbo Slice Fight Fixed

Chick Gets Smoked At Dodge Ball

MTV Celebrates 20 Years of “Headbangers Ball”

Tattooing Domestic Pets… WTF???

Phils Take Game One

WTF is this all aboot?! If you’ve ever seen an episode of South Park you know that Canada has always lived in America’s shadow. But now it seems that our neighbors to the north are owning us in some pretty important caragories: wealth, happieness and sex.

A recent study shows that Canadians work less, live longer, enjoy better health, are wealthier, and have more sex than Americans. For instance, Canada’s median family household income clocks in at US$122,000; in America, it’s $93,000. Yeah, we felt sick to our stomachs, too.

Go ahead and verifty the numbers for yourself, but remember: although Canadians are wealthier, happier and have more sex, America’s got the nukes (Canada doesn’t), Canada runs on the metric system (practicality is lame); they only gained their independence from England in 1982 (thought they still have to vow allegiance to Queen Elizabeth). Canada doesn’t have the tropical weather of Hawaii, Guam, Puerto Rico or southern Florida. The Canadian football league sucked–and we stole hockey and John Candy!

Check out South Park’s episode “Canada on Strike” featuring Stephen Abootman here!

Sitting her on a Saturday morning, after the gym, after breakfast, middle of coffee – and I find 3 stories in a row that show how truly ineffective the UN is. I am speechless and staggered by an overwhelming lack of effectiveness or even marginally decisive ideals.

Case 1: Zimbabwe. This a**whole has been slaughtering everyone who even speaks about running against him. So, the US and Europe put out a vote that the elections be nullified. Thank God South Africa came to the rescue! You remember South Africa, the apartheid people?

(more…)