If a guy could construct the perfect exercise machine, the Shake Weight would be the device of the new millennium. Do you remember when Suzanne Somers would use the Thighmaster on television? That was free porn for anyone growing up in the early ’90s. The Shake Weight is 10 times sexier than the Thighmaster could have ever been. It doesn’t matter who you are, watching someone use the Shake Weight will immediately take your mind to the gutter. As a tribute, we’ve put together a photo gallery, video playlist, and compilation of animated gifs showcasing Shake Weight hotties. Check it out after the jump!

Ok, so the Chinese Boob Clamp may be just a reimagined corset, but that doesn’t make it any less awesome. Simply tug on the drawstring and Voila! Instant cleavage (PacMan sound effects not included). Warning: Video is Highly Addictive.

Last night’s episodes of South Park and Blue Mountain State focused on two parties coming together and growing apart. On South Park, Stan’s Dad got WAY into the Food Network causing his wife to feel neglected. Luckily, Shake Weight saved the day. On BMS, Jocks and Nerds collide when the balance of life is disturbed by a jealous Sammy.

You’ve probably seen Shake Weight, Chocolate Rain, and What What In The Butt. If not the actual video, at least a parody on SNL or South Park. However, those can’t hold a candle to the following memes, which are known for being the most sexually disturbing of all-time. Don’t thank us. Thank Al Gore.

I understand that keeping in shape is important. But sometimes traditional weight lifting can cause a woman to bulk up faster than you can say “Carrot Top.” Which is why the Shake Weight is such an ingenious idea: Not only does it strengthen and tone, it also hilariously makes whoever uses it look like their jerking off a robot. It’s win-win!