There’s about a million ways to say you had sex with a chick but in the interest of time, we’ve narrowed it down to the following top euphemisms.

Deep in the jungles of New Zeland, Stephen Fry and zoologist Mark Carwardine come across a rare breed of parrot that apparently has a hankering for man-head. How do I know this? Well, when a bird jumps on your back and starts f**king the hell out of you, that’d be the first clue…