This dude created the world’s biggest alarm clock, which is not only controlled by a computer, it’s hooked up to hydraulics and pretty much proves that he has no friends. Besides just waking you up (in a way that would immediately launch me into a murderous rage), this thing can also serve as a pretty sweet sexy toy bed – but I’m sure he never thought of that…

Forget the Nintendo Wii: Bodybouncer is the new front-runner for best Christmas present of the year. It’s one of those gifts similar to sexy lingerie that you buy for your girl that’s really a gift for yourself.

The Bodybouncer is a sex toy designed to make you feel like you’re having zero-gravity sex. Judging from appearance – I don’t own one, you sexed-up freaks – it looks like a footstool with an elastic seat and a hole in the center.

The Bodybouncer website claims that the product is much more discreet than a sex swing, but I have a hard time believing a footstool with a hole in the center could be looked at as a sensible piece of furniture. Portable toilet? Maybe. Run-of-the-mill footstool? Probably not.

So, is purchasing a sexual trampoline to the tune of $200 worth your troubles? Can this ottoman with an orifice really turn up the heat?

One glance at BodyBouncer.com (CG NSFW?) may make you a believer.

You know what’s so weird, yet so understandable? If a women gets caught masturbating with some wacky device most guys would say, “niiiiiice” and be turned on. Now, if a girl walked in on a sweaty dude huffing and puffing away, plugging some doll…well, it’s not exactly a turn-on, is it?

But wait, sex-starved fellas! Your time has come, for the Rubbot is here to prevent you from embarrassing “caught you!” masturbation moments (no it isn’t, and no it won’t).

The Rubbot, still under development, is basically a blue donut that you stick your wang in for pleasure – not embarrassing in the slightest, right? Using the Inch Worm Theory, the dirty donut (with a glory hole) uses a two-cam roller that creates a “rubbing” effect on the shaft of your staff. The Rubbot can provide maximum pleasure…if you’re not getting laid already, that is. (more…)