So there’s this girl who you think is neat and you want to go steady with her but don’t know if she likes you back. Most guys understand the signs that she likes you (i.e. she rips all your clothes off and jumps on you, she hasn’t Tasered you yet), but many guys don’t understand the signs that she isn’t into you. We’re here to help…  (more…)

You have gone on awkward dates. You have tried to meet girls on the internet. You have even read books and blogs about how to get laid but you are still living a very sexless life. But forget all that nonsense. There are four very simple reasons the farthest you have ever gone is with your right hand. (more…)

New York City – home to every type of person you can imagine, all crammed on top of each other into an area 1/10th the size of Los Angeles. Because of this denseness and the swath of humanity living within its borders, from immigrants and working Joes to crackheads to the richest people on the planet, surviving in New York as an average person is hard. It’s hard to get around, hard to pay for rent – and hard to keep from going postal every 10 minutes because of some douchebag you run into on the way to work. So, as a follow-up to “How to Not Be a Douchebag Tourist in NYC,” here are a few things to remember when living in New York, to help keep the gears of this great city moving (and to keep someone from punching you in the face.) (more…)

We all know that Megan Fox has said some pretty ridiculous things – things that are so absurd, they’ve actually made her less hot (yes, it’s possible). But instead of focusing on the negative (this time), we’ve put together the Megan Fox Sex Soundboard. So now, any time she says something off-putting, just play one of these little clips and you’ll be back in fantasy land in no time. (more…)

Before you were old enough to buy beer or have your own pot delivery guy, you probably did some pretty stupid-ass things to yourself in effort to add a little excitement to the unbearable reality of high school.  From smoking banana peels to toothpaste-laced cigarettes, your options were pretty much limited to whatever you could scrounge up around the house or under the kitchen sink.  And despite the fact that abusing these products can land you behind bars in most states, you gave ‘em a try.  Here are 7 such household products that got you high, but you probably shouldn’t have tried. (more…)

Claims that the bible can predict the future are nothing new. But no matter how staunch a believer you may be, I can promise you never thought God had a hand in, in any way, shape or form in 2 Girls 1 Cup. Don’t believe me? Then you must have never heard of a little number called Ezekiel 23: 32-35. Let’s take a gander, shall we? (more…)

It’s no secret – when it comes to sex in the animal kingdom, people take the cake for kinkiest, most f**ked-up creatures of the whole bunch. In fact, we’re so messed up, we can’t even stick to having sex with the same species, some of the time. Not only that, but sometimes we even have sex with fake animals. But these 5 sex toys have to be the creepiest sex toys that involve animals or animal body parts (this side of Japan, anyway). (more…)

Great funnymen have great catchphrases. All the legendary comedians have that one classic line which ingrains itself into the recesses of mind, plopping into the annals of pop-culture.

A successful catchphrase brings a snicker the recipient’s lips by association, humorously reminding the listener of the comedic source referenced, and in turn making the proclaimer funny as well! Here’s a little catchphrase transit theory that will help make this concept clear.

Funny comedian catchphrase+you uttering it= you being funny

WORST CATCH PHRASES

“Do I make you horny?” – Austin Powers

“Git R Done!” – Larry the Cable Guy

“Mission Accomplished!” – George W. Bush

“NOT!” – Wayne’s World

“Watcha’ Talkin’ About, Willis!” – Gary Coleman

Try using one of the current crop of catchphrases sprinkled within your conversations. Such gems as: “Whaaaaaaasup!”, “I got my grub-on!”, “Hella’ cool!”, Da bomb!”, or “Don’t go there, girlfriend!” will bring a smile to anyone’s face, replacing any need to be originally clever by being funny through recognition of a phrase. (more…)

First, actors who turn to stand-up comedy are never funny. They think they are ’cause they played a funny character on TV. Being a recognizable name, they didn’t have to cut their teeth on the stand-up circuit and immediately get precious stage time in L.A. clubs. Usually their acts center on what it was like to be on the particular TV show they were once on. That’s usually followed by airline jokes or bits about the difference between men and woman. Here are my choices for the worst: (more…)

As long as there has been drinking there has also been drinking games. I’m sure the ancient Egyptians played quarters when chugging their ancient beer. The goal off the drinking game is to get sh!t-faced. Some drinking games are great while others are just plain lame. Here are the lamest: (more…)