Let’s face it, Santa’s life kinda sucks. His wife’s let herself go, his home’s in the coldest place on earth and he spends the last month of every year with a urine filled lap left by balling babies at the local mall. It’s no wonder he likes to drink. But with all the bad, there’s also some good. And we have to think, these gorgeous gals sitting on Santa’s lap is more than enough to keep him coming back year after year… regardless of the occasional awkward boner.

Being a mall Santa is rough. Ever see “Bad Santa” with Billy Bob Thornton? All day dealing with crying, whining, self-defecating or urinating kids asking for toys they might not receive because their parents blew the money set aside for gifts on their fantasy football league or that Louis Vuitton handbag. We often look down on these gentlemen because sometimes they get awkward bulges in their pants and they’re usually one step above the homeless, however, can anyone blame them for boozing on the job? Just take a look at these pics!

If we’ve learned one thing this year, it’s that boners can be awkward - depending on the time and/or place of arrival. But if there’s one place you definitely don’t want a pop-up visit the the merriest of yule logs, it’s on the lap of jolly ol’ St. Dick Nick. Ouch. (Editors note: There are a thousand holiday puns we could have used. Thought we’d spare you the spew.)