Dear Condom Companies,

Your packaging sucks. Yet few products in life (aside from brakes, rope, fire hydrants and weaponry) need to work in the heat of the moment more than the condom.

The pressure to get that thing on before the mood changes – while still looking smooth and effortless – is so monumental, the stress alone can shut you down. Add to that your hands and everything else are probably covered in slippery lube. So why are these little rubber wonders of technology so dang hard to open?

Now I’m as safe sex conscious as anybody. And I’m not saying there aren’t ways to keep things interesting while doing what needs to be done.

But when you’re looking down at a beautiful naked woman staring back, waiting for you to tediously fiddle with slippery plastic, it takes all your might to not just throw the f**king thing aside and get down to business. (more…)

In this day and age, much is expected of men once they reach that strange college age: we must be strong yet sensitive, mature yet playful, erudite yet down-to-earth.

And most of all we must have a damn condom handy when the time comes. But of course, we forget; we were probably thinking something important, like beer or doing our Stats homework.

Make no mistake: if you’re gunning for it, sexy time will happen at college, and it’s you responsibility to pick up the contraceptive slack.

Here are a few some notes, with thanks to the University of Connecticut’s Health Services office.

Obviously, everyone knows how to put a condom on. Obviously! Right? Double check, because if you don’t, it might be as useless as not wearing one at all–what’s the point in that?

Normal condoms don’t really need an explanation. It’s notable, though, that there’s nothing actually special about Trojans, other than their cool namesake (nobody ever mentions the ancient Babylonian epic “Durexia” for example). They aren’t any more durable or comfortable than any other standard brand. (more…)

Listen, guys. I am a lady who has had sexual intercourse…oh…say….more than a few times. I am also a lady who does not want any STDs. Therefore, I am a lady who has safe sex. That means, you, male lovers, wear a condom.

Now most guys in my past haven’t thought twice about wearing a condom. Turns out most guys don’t want STDs, either! However, there have been a few who have whined…and even one more recently who made sex nearly impossible-because of condoms.

“I just can’t feel anything”…
“I don’t know how ANY guy can can come with these things…”

Those are two lines I heard from two separate guys in the last two weeks.

These remarks have infuriated me to the degree of broadcasting some tips to all of the male readers out there. Mind you, I’m well aware of the fact that MOST guys don’t mind condoms. But for those of you who do…. (more…)

Girls like dopey cute guys, but not the types that fumble around with condom wrappers and put the safety net on backwards. That’s not dopey or cute – it’s stupid and embarrassing.

Also, stuffing a pack of condoms in your pocket not only looks ridiculous (responsible, but ridiculous) but also may look quite unattractive to females. Would you be turned on by a girl with condoms visibly stuffed in her pants pocket? Don’t answer that. (more…)

So you’re having great sex and the condom breaks. Maybe you kept it in your wallet too long, or it’s old, or she was a little dry…whatever the case, you need to act quickly.

First thing, you need to pick up Plan B.

Plan B is an emergency contraceptive that can still prevent a pregnancy after contraceptive failure, unprotected sex, or sexual assault. It should be taken within 3 days (72 hours) of unprotected sex and can reduce the risk of pregnancy by up to 89%. But the sooner you take it the more effective it will be.

Anyone over the age of 18 can buy the pill at a local Planned Parenthood for about $30. To find a local Planned Parenthood go online to their website or hit up Google Maps. (more…)

The alarm screams at 7:54 AM, tearing me out of dream in which I was awkwardly going back to my high school prom. I am already not a fan of this day.

I do my best to get up and into the shower without falling asleep and slamming my head against the tile wall. Running downstairs, gulping a few spoonfuls of cereal and grabbing my keys, I make it out the door just in time.

The rain and 45 degree day seem fitting. As does the a**hole who cuts in front of me and then stops short to stare at a dead squirrel in the middle of the road. I’ve forgotten how much I hate driving. Going back to New York will be a blessing in one big, public transportation way.

Snagging a gynecologist appointment at home was a stroke of luck, but as I pull into the familiar parking lot, I can’t help but feel the pre-visit jitters. It’s not that I’m afraid of those stirrups and cold metal speculums, I’m just not happy to see them. Ever. (more…)

Sex is a wonderful thing. I don’t need to tell you that. Spontaneous sex is even better; more excitement, more danger and none of that boring planning that goes into the regular stuff (like getting a condom).

But after my experiences this past week, spontaneous (and maybe even super safe) sex is totally. Out. Of the question.

I spent my entire last weekend watching three children. Six-year-old twins and a potty-training three-year-old. And it only took me a total of 4 minutes to realize just how unready I am for child rearing.

Somewhere between the mini van and the screaming and the multiple trips to McDonalds (which somehow all ended in tears and ketchup all over my brand new jeans), I learned just how horrible the idea of getting pregnant could be. And for those of you out there who continue to have unprotected sex, STDs are not the thing to fear – this is:

1. No Showers: There is just no time. And if you manage to find 5 minutes in the day to leave the kids by themselves, you will most likely come out to find mass destruction, a child crying or both. (more…)

On any other day seeing a bunch of commercials would really piss me off. But this next set of condom commercials will have to ROTFL!

I just abbreviated “rolling on the floor laughing”… someone kill me.

Check out the videos after the jump! (more…)

Frequent condom user? Getting a little tired of walking into a drugstore for “gumâ€? and just “happeningâ€? to decide to buy another pack? Do those people behind the counter know your face so well that they reach for the “extra lubricatedâ€? type before you do?

If so—let me first congratulate you on getting way more action than most of us—and second, how about I let you in on a new, limited time offer for free sexy stuff!?

Durex is looking for new “condom testersâ€? and wants to reward your safe-sex habits with free toys!

After logging on to their new website, all you have to do is fill out a one page form, click to send it in, and then wait to see if you’re one of the “1000 lucky men and lady folkâ€? who will become “official Durex condom testersâ€? and “get a bunch of free Durex products.â€?

Plus, you can even win $1000 just for answering a few questions. (more…)

Everyone knows condoms aren’t the easiest things for us to use. Whether they’re British and embarrassed, or just dumb and stupid, a lot of us are claiming that strapping on the latex glove makes everything less…intense.

In case you’re one these bitchy complainers, British condom maker Futura Medical Plc may have finally made the condom that shuts you up for good.

According to a study the company released on Thursday, their new condoms help men “have firmer and bigger erections, as well as a longer-lasting sexual experience.â€? (more…)