Ever since Twilight flashed its sparkly fangs onto the silver screen, young girls and crazy cougars everywhere have been going gaga for “monsters” with pale complexions and six packs that us guys can’t compete with. They’ve already made vampires and werewolves pansies and I have my suspicions that mummies and the Creature from the Black Lagoon are next. Here are a few monsters that, no matter how hard female writers may try, won’t be able to turn into sexy models. At least, I hope not. See what makes them so very un-sexy after the jump!

Remember Valentine’s Day? You went on that speed dating adventure then proposed to your sister? Yeah. That holiday blows. But luckily some smart guy came up with a holiday that blows even more – this time in a good way. March 14th is Steak and a BJ Day! Now, the majority of chicks hate b-jobs and I hear red meat makes a man’s “sauce” smell and/or taste like absolute garbage, so you can imagine how pumped chicks around the globe are right now. See a couple meaty videos after the jump!

The holiday weekend saw audiences doing serious labor away from the movie theaters as the top earner only pulled in around $16 mil. The American outdueled Machete while Going The Distance only made it up halfway up Gross Box Office Mountain. This week’s entries feature umbrella corporations, dwarves, suicide, high school wrestling, and hip hop all-star Joaquin Phoenix. Put away the coke and snort these previews, homey!

After initial estimates crowned “The Last Exorcism” as king of last weekend’s box office, the final tally showed “Takers” edged out the “get out of my daughter, Devil” thriller. By the way, CRAZY ending in TLE. Hopefully, you’ve avoided all spoiler alerts. I didn’t. Frowny face. This week’s entries feature big ass knives, long distance relationships, international espionage, chicks basketball, vampires, dogs, jailbait, Chinese trains, and 9/11. We’re holding your eyeballs hostage until The Discovery Channel starts airing some earth-friendly programming!

With only a few weeks left of Summer, 2010 has been pretty much a sh*t year for film. But before we write this year off as totally unsalvageable, a couple movies opening this weekend have big potential. The Expendables and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World might just have what it takes to kick 2010 back into gear. Finger crossed.

Amidst the never-ending search for a hot chick with whom you can spend the rest of your life is the search for a profession to fund said rest of your life. Sometimes, the two disagree. Unless your chick is really swell, chances are she’ll find these professions utterly repulsive and/or ridiculous. Try to avoid making a career path out of the following in order to win the fair lady’s heart.

Go figure: you’ve spent your entire life alone only to discover the girl of your dreams at the next desk of your new job. And beyond all probability, she likes you back. Too bad the corporate ladder consists of parallel rungs; you’ll never find an intersection as long as the rule book exists. How do you woo her despite all odds, defy the man, and live happily ever after?

Don’t act like I didn’t tell you Inception was going to plant the idea to go see Inception in your dreams. Sorcerer’s Apprentice came in below Despicable Me (which still owes me royalties for stealing my catchphrase), and that crazy religious zealot vehicle Standing Ovation averaged $550 a theater. Are people finally sick of faux Jesus… Click to read more

Guitar riff. Black van with red stripe blasting through some bushes. Mohawk. Disguises. Guns. Bigger Guns. Tanks falling from the sky. Helicopters. Cigars clenched by the strongest set of mandibles ever. If you have a problem. If no one else can help. You can call on … THE A-TEAM. Man, has this been a long time coming.

Well, uh… hmmph. Ummm, jeez. MacGruber, man. I mean. What the hell happened? Best SNL film since Wayne’s World and you debut at #6? Media sources everywhere are calling it an “unmitigated bomb.” Pretty rough considering it’s almost made back its entire budget already in three days. I admit, I didn’t help the cause by not buying a ticket, but come on. I can’t buy 600,000 tickets.

MACGRUBER! HE’S GOT A NEW MOVIE, IT OPENS THIS WEEKEND! MACGRUBER! HE MIGHT GET NAKED AND SWEAR UP A STORM! MACGRUBER! LET’S HOPE IT’S NOT LIKE SUPERSTAR! MACGRUUUUUUBER! Ever since they announced this bad boy was in the works.

Iron Man 2 straight up murdered the box office last weekend with Babies surpassing expectations with a per screen average of close to $4k. This weekend’s entries features a prince of thieves, roundball romance, rekindling of long lost love, divorced dads, intercontinental scheming, crazy old soccer hooligans, and a Hawaiian princess I’d love to cover in poi sauce.

Unless you can come up with a better idea, which you probably can’t, taking your date out to a nice restaurant is a go-to for any man trying to seal the deal. Problem is, most of you filthy bastards haven’t the faintest clue what to do once you’ve been show to your table. Here are a few easy ways to make sure it’s more than just a meal.
Read H… Click to read more

Six Signs Your Summer Fling Won’t Last
Once your tan fades, so will the love. End it now if you’re the type who gets attached. There’s no way the two of you will make it past August. [CollegeOTR]

UT Student Trades Out Political Signs
A UT economics senior sparked the idea for an online program that allows Hillary Clinton supporters to trade i… Click to read more

When the mood hits, I like to slip out of my terrycloth robe, soak in a lukewarm bath with some lavender bath beads, listening to the latest romantic jams – for lovers by lovers. During these most romantic of moments, a little Ana y Johnny always hits the spot just right. Enjoy.
Ana y Johnny – “Yo También Necesito Amar”… Click to read more