At first, it might seem cool to live next door to the latest random celebrity, just to be able to say you were close to the “action.” But pretty soon, reporters, cameramen, crews and news vans keep you from getting home after a hard day’s work, and the only thing you want to do is start punching people in the face. You know, like this guy.

We’re past this whole “Was the Balloon Boys story a hoax” nonsense. Obviously, it’s all bullsh*t. And if you think it might not be bullsh*t, all you have to do is watch this video of the father releasing the g*ddamn balloon to know that it’s a hoax. Now that we have that resolved, let’s move on to bigger things: Who’s going to play who in inevitable upcoming Hollywood biopic…