Sorry, guys. I know doing a post about Spencer Pratt is pretty lame, being that he’s one of the world’s biggest assclowns, just after Dane Cook and the ESPN lawyers that are keeping you from watching the Erin Andrews peephole video.

And his douchiness just gets that much more intense, since he just announced, in an interview with Spin magazine, that he’s launching a rap career.

How good of a rapper are you?
Incredible. I have the biggest mouth on earth, so why wouldn’t I be the best rapper — you know what I mean?

Can you freestyle right now?
I mean, everybody keeps on asking me to freestyle. But I always say, “Please, I don’t do freestyle, my goal out here is to get paid.” The word “free” does not exist in Spencer Pratt’s vocabulary. [via Spin.com]

Jesus Dead Baby Christ! This dude is completely out of hand. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if this guy isn’t just taking us all for a ride, Andy Kaufman-style.

I know, I know – he seems to barely have enough brain power to maintain basic bodily functions. But there is definitely more than meets the eye with this dude. And I would be ashamed of myself for being fooled by Spencer F’ing Pratt. Then again, he’s probably just learned to say outlandish sh*t in order to stay relevant. Either way, he’s still a douchebag.

In America, you’re often told from a young age that you can be anything you want to be. What they don’t tell you is that sometimes you might suck at what you want to be. And in that case, it’s probably best to not make a video documenting exactly that.

On top of looking like a long-term homeless person and mumbling like he forgot to take the sheet of acid out of his pocket, Joaquin Phoenix’s Letterman interview goes so badly it’s hard to watch. In fact, it’s almost hard to believe. Either this guy’s completely lost it, or he’s pulling the biggest stunt since Kaufman’s Tony Clifton. I’m hoping it’s that – because if not, it would seem the damages are irreversable.

This gem of a training video for cooking burgers was unearthed only recently on YouTube. If you have the urge to turn it off after the first few moments just know it gets way better – and way more bizarre.

This is what they teach you at Wendys: