Alright ladies, we’ve got to talk. This Ugg boot thing is getting out of hand, and it needs to stop, now! These disgusting excuses for footwear are killing your sex appeal, style and any pretty much everything that is good and right in this world.

Before you know it, every college dude everywhere will have to take Viagra for the rest of his life just to get it up because of prolonged exposure to the damn things. And there’s nobody to blame but yourselves. (more…)

Dear McDonald’s,

Are you people retarded? For some reason, anytime I try ordering breakfast at a McDonald’s after 10:30am, I can’t get it–something about having to “get ready for lunch.” (Sorry, but not all of us are 78-years-old and get up at 4:30 in the f**kin’ morning.) Now, I’m not quite sure what you have against serving breakfast, or what kind of crack you’re smoking, but whatever it is, this bullsh*t has got to stop.

First, let me fill you in on a little secret–the only thing worth eating at your “restaurant” is breakfast. At the very least, it’s the best thing you serve–when you serve it. But as it stands, I end up in the same idiotic argument every time I walk through your double-doors on sixth avenue–both covered with big green signs boasting “Breakfast till 11AM,” I might add. (more…)