1) English is as hard for them as Algebra is for you.

There’s nothing wrong with knowing two languages. Actually it’s pretty cool. But if your professor teaches at a University in the U.S and they are not a fluent English speaker, and they aren’t teaching the language they are fluent in, you could be in for a rough time, especially if the class is science or math. The only thing more difficult then college level mathematics is college level mathematics from Russia (with love).

2) A complete lack of syllabus.

In college, stuff matters. Papers, grades, stuff that is trivial in High School gets more weighty once you sign away a few thousand bucks a semester. A syllabus is a contract between you and the professor to minimize f*ck-ups on both ends. With a syllabus, they can’t bust a giant exam on you and be all “I said!”, and you can’t claim you misheard the due date for the term paper (damn!). If your professor doesn’t come with a syllabus on day one, ask about it. If they don’t have plans for one, you may in some troubs. Write all important dates down.

3) Where did I put my…

People who forget stuff a lot can be cute. Unless you pay them to teach and grade you. Then it’s just annoying. We admit, teachers are people and forgetting stuff is fine, occasionally, but if your teacher forgets most of the stuff they were supposed to bring during the first week, you can bet on a semesters worth of waiting for AV equipment that wasn’t requested and photocopies that didn’t get made. Your assignments are at least slightly in your control, so make 2 copies and keep one for yourself. (more…)

Facebook went from an exclusive college thing, to a billion dollar operation in about five years. That’s probably a pretty good business plan. Now that the world has Facebook, Facebook has the world. Just like in the real world where good friends and good times are mixed with creepy guys and drive by shootings, Facebook brings a new flair to the internet stalking scene. So we decided to divulge into a Stone Phillips-like look at the creepy world of Facebook, and the guys who dominate the landscape. (more…)

The picture you have just witnessed is not a reenactment. It’s an actual shot, taken by my equally-disturbed friend, of a comment made by a professor on an assignment of mine. …Excuse me?

But the trauma doesn’t end there.

I obviously set the picture as my default on Facebook, and then two days later received a friend request from the teacher.

Wait, I’m sorry–WHAT?!

Since this unfortunately isn’t the first time I’ve encountered either problem, it’s subsequently been the last straw. The way I see it, there are two major problems in this situation: (more…)

Recently, I found myself strapped for cash and needed a way to supplement my income. Like most people, I decided to try nude modeling! The gigs were usually just a few hours, and they paid well above minimum wage. Why not?

I called a few local college art departments. “There’s a shortage of nude models,” I was told. So, career advice No. 1: find an in-demand job, and there’s no interview necessary. Also, nudity is often a deterrent.

During my first class, things started out fine. I walked in, disrobed, ignored the goosebumps forming on my skin (note to profs: turn up the heat) and walked on to a platform in the center of the room as the professor gave me instructions for my first pose. It was pretty simple: I just had to sit still for twenty minutes.

But then my legs started shaking. It dawned on me that I was the only naked person in the room! I looked out at the rows of students, who were busily sketching me while their instructor discussed the angles and shadows of ‘the figure’ and I realized I was just their subject for the day. That’s it. And I took a deep breath and relaxed. (more…)

In high school I had to be at first period by 7:20 every day, and leave at 1:45 every afternoon. Looking back on it, I don’t know how the hell I did it. I’m upset if I have to wake up by 10 am nowadays. My freshman year in college however, I was still under some strange delusion that since I was trained to wake up at 6 AM, that an 8 AM class every day would be no problemo.

I was severely mistaken.

I had to practically drag my tired and sometimes still slightly drunk a** to class every day, suffer through a lesson I would have otherwise enjoyed, and often times not make it to the end of class without dozing at least a few minutes. So inevitably I started going less and less, and had it not been for a major strike on my campus that allowed students to drop their classes late in the semester, I wouldn’t have passed; not by my standards anyway.

My last semester I had a 9:30 on Tuesday, and every other day my earliest class was at 2, with no classes on Friday. I’ve actually managed to never have Friday classes, come to think of it. How do I maneuver myself such an excellent schedule, especially when Dramatic Writing (my major) gets the shi**iest sign up registration days? I have become, since my lapse in sanity first semester, a master at class manipulation.More…

Don’t get the section you want? Show up to it anyway. Chances are it isn’t really full, so I just sit through the lesson, participate, and then read the professor a sob story about my scheduling nightmares and BAM! I’m in. Your favorite professor’s classes fill up too quickly and you’re on the waitlist? Don’t sign up for the alternative class, keep yourself on the waitlist. If you still don’t make it in by the beginning of the semester, E-mail the prof telling him how disappointed you were that you couldn’t be educated by the one and only THEM – and you’ll be surprised how fast a spot opens up for you.

My motto for most anything is as follows: When all else fails, suck up. What’s a little brown nosing in exchange for never waking up before noon?