HO-LY SH!!!!!T! This is f**king incredible. A kid dresses up in some sort of crazy-ass halloween costume and then screams his ass off, scaring his mom… into labor! Seriously, her water literally breaks on camera. (Wait till the end – there’s slo-mo.) So now you know – if you want to totally f**k-up a pregnant lady’s day, just jump out and scare the, uh, human out of her…

Wow did Saturday Night Live suck this weekend.  Their ‘08 political satire has become as tired and one-sided as my grandmother’s first Kotex belt. But despite all the non-funny bullsh*t, I still found myself laughing balls at John Hamm in ‘Finger In Butts.’ Sometimes a finger is all you need.

As I write this, the Republican National telethon Convention has officially started. Following Obama and the Democrats, the Republicans began their convention Monday–albeit hindered “because of hurricane Gustav.” But convention coverage has barely broken the exhilarating stranglehold of natural disaster in the mainstream media. Those silly bastards just can’t shut up about the hurricane(s), something that affects only a small portion of the national population. And while it might seem like some small tragedy–and somehow unfair–that the Repubs won’t get as much coverage as the Democrats, don’t be fooled.

This is the best bit of stratagem by the Republicans since Newt Gingrich and the spooge-stained dress. While the 24-hour news channels focuse on the impending doom of Hurricane Gustav and incoming Hanna, McCain and “friends” have taken the opportunity to release some of the most damning information about the Palin pick, saving them countless voters-worth of embarrassment. Here are all the reasons Gustav, Hanna and the rest of the storms are good for the Republicans this week, very good… (more…)

As I write this, the Republican National telethon Convention has officially started. Following Obama and the Democrats, the Republicans began their convention Monday–albeit hindered “because of hurricane Gustav.” But convention coverage has barely broken the exhilarating stranglehold of natural disaster in the mainstream media. Those silly bastards just can’t shut up about the hurricane(s), something that affects only a small portion of the national population. And while it might seem like some small tragedy–and somehow unfair–that the Repubs won’t get as much coverage as the Democrats, don’t be fooled.

This is the best bit of stratagem by the Republicans since Newt Gingrich and the spooge-stained dress. While the 24-hour news channels focuse on the impending doom of Hurricane Gustav and incoming Hanna, McCain and “friends” have taken the opportunity to release some of the most damning information about the Palin pick, saving them countless voters-worth of embarrassment. Here are all the reasons Gustav, Hanna and the rest of the storms are good for the Republicans this week, very good… (more…)

In what would seem a moment of incredible shared stupidity, 17 girls at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts made a secret pact to get pregnant, and did. With teachers and administrators confused by the increase in knocked-up students–four times last year’s amount–the girls were doing whoever they could to get a bun in the oven. One of the girls even boned a homeless dude. (more…)

Well this just does it. When they reported Jessica Alba was pregnant, it didn’t really hit us that it might mean then end of an era of booty perfection.

But we just learned from PerezHilton.com that the Sin City and Into the Blue star secretly married baby-daddy Cashole Warren yesterday, a rumor confirmed by her publicist, which basically puts the kibosh on all our Alba fantasies. She will be missed.

It was only a matter of time.

According to Perez Hilton, Britney Spears’ 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn is pregnant!

WTF?

Even Britney waited for her 20’s to load a bun in the oven.

Sorry Lohans, the Spears are officially back as America’s favorite dysfunctional, white-trash family.

Jamie Lynn… Great Job!

Britney Spears rumors have been flying this week like whoa!

If you are gullible enough to believe every single rumor you hear (like us!) then apparently Britney Spears is adopting Chinese twins and has a secret room in her mansion dedicated to kinky S&M romps.

All of that may seem a little far fetched (well, maybe not the S&M part), but the latest rumor about the popwreck sounds semi-believable.

Multiple news sources are reporting that Britney Spears has been knocked-up for the third time. In an email to friends Spears said she’s four months pregnant, and the father of the child is…wait for it…music producer/eternal Guido J.R. Rotem.

Who? When? Why? So many questions…

I really hate giving Britney any more publicity than she already has, but she runs half the globe’s rumor-mill all by herself, without any assistance. Her life (like Amy Winehouse’s drug-addled life) is spinning so out of control that it’s a wonder she’s alive.

If Britney Spears is pregnant, should she keep the baby?

The hot tub: thought by many to be the ultimate in places to have sex. It’s comfortable, relaxing, heated – it’s the aquatic equivalent of a vagina! So why should you not have sex in one?

According to studies by a (virgin) urologist, hot tub humping may not be very safe.

The old rumor of man becoming infertile after too many trips to the tub has been proven correct – but how long must you stay in the water? A week? If your testicles have been heated up to a rolling boil, yes – you should probably get out of the hot tub.

It’s also common knowledge that yes, you can get a girl pregnant in a hot tub. Wear a condom, Aquaman, and all of your troubles will be gone.

In other words, don’t let anybody – scientists, urologists, virgins, moms – deprive you of performing the ultimate. As a man it’s your god-given right to experience hot tub sex. (more…)

Just when you thought Knocked Up was the last word on unplanned pregnancy in a comedy, Juno rolls through with a slight modification: teenage pregnancy, a parents’ least-favorite subject.

Starring Arrested Development alumni Jason Bateman and Michael Cera – alas, neither actor appears onscreen together – Juno tells the story of Juno MacGuff (Ellen Page), a teenager knocked-up by her schoolmate Paulie Bleeker (Cera, at his awkward best).

After getting the word that she’s preggers, Juno looks to put her child up for adoption via the local newspaper classifieds – enter the baby-wanting couple of Vanessa and Mark Loring (Jennifer Garner and Bateman, respectively).

It looks like a winner, according to early reviews from the Toronto Film Festival.

Juno will be open for limited release on December 14.

Check out the trailer for Juno after the jump.

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