This is not dating advice. This is getting laid advice. When you’ve done everything you need to do to get her back to your place and you just need that extra little bit to take it over the edge, this is where these lines come in.

Now, you might not believe these work – they seem too sneaky, too transparent and too stupid. But that says nothing of their surprising effectiveness. These magical lines should only be said while making out, not while you’re still at the bar. So read closely and take notes because if used properly, these five gems will get you laid. (more…)

News flash! Some bad pick-up lines can actually work to land yourself a new lady friend – and you know you want a new lady friend. So like a lion pacing the Savannah, you go to the target rich environment of your choice looking for love. If you are 5’2, 250 this advice will not help. Sorry old chap. If you are a young George Clooney, you don’t need help. But if you are reasonable looking single guy or simply an unfaithful bastard, here are some time tested lines and some analysis of each.

1. “Let’s have breakfast tomorrow, should I call you or nudge you?”

An oldie but a goodie. Ranks low on the originality scale since its been ripped off a thousand times. If your girl doesn’t understand what you are implying, you will later be able to hook up with other girls in front of her and tell her “It wasn’t me”.

2. (Checking her shirt tag) “I just wanted to see if you were made in heaven.”

Always gets a laugh. The extremely hot ones have probably heard it before, so be aware you might look like a cheese danish. It won’t seal the deal, but it could get things headed that way. (more…)

Valentine’s Day 2008 has come and gone but it did offer us a chance to hit the town (”the town” being Bahama Mama’s in Hoboken, NJ) and pick up on some lingo (”lingo” being the incomprehensible language of North Jersey Guidos).

North Jersey is full of obnoxious Guidos (this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy, and this guy) that will use just about any ridiculous line to pick up a club slut. Seeing that we were smack dab in the middle of Douchebag Central, we found more Guidos spitting game to their orange-skinned counterparts than you could shake a hairspray can at.

After the jump you will see a collection of pick up lines North Jersey Guidos that were used out of desperation on the most romantic of nights. (more…)

The following article satire is brought to you by the folks at COED:

I often find myself asking myself (is that a run on?) “where is the perfect location for meeting girls?”

Sure, clubs are often the first place that comes to mind, but my cute pick-up lines don’t always work well when attempting to talk over loud, fist-pumping music to orange-skinned girls from Staten Island.

A desperate fella like me must suck it up and meet girls the hard way: in real life. (more…)

Has this happened to you?

You’re at a bar, minding your own business, talking to your friends and occasionally turning to see if that cute guy by the bathroom is actually with that girl he’s standing next to, or is just waiting in line to pee, when out of nowhere, a dude steps into your line of vision and says something slightly to very insulting. Don’t understand how it’s possible? Here are two real life examples:

Dude: “You two girls suck�?

My friend and I freeze, staring at him in complete confusion.

Dude: “Seriously. You suck.�?
Me: “Ok.�?

I don’t know what else to say, and don’t care enough to trade insults with him. Nudging my friend with my elbow, I signal that it’s time to vacate the area.

Dude: “I mean, I’ve been here for an hour and haven’t been able to talk to either one of you!�?

He grins, and asks us our names, and starts to talk to us. He’s actually friendly, but we leave soon after introductions because neither of us can forget how utterly rude he had been only moments ago.

At another bar with another friend, I’m trying to squeeze through an insanely huge crowd of people to get a beer. I can hardly breathe, and am in no mood to be yelled at by some tall, skinny, bi-speckled geek, but he continues to shout directly into my ear. (more…)

We’ve all heard them before: the dreaded pick-up line.

Most often, pick-up lines don’t accomplish what the pick-up liner has set out to achieve, which is getting the pick-up linee into or as close to, a bed, as possible. Sometimes, however, with the right heir of confidence, there is a diamond in the rough, which leads to someone gettin’ lucky.

And, sure, you can use Wikipedia to find out everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Egypt’s Rosetta Stone or an in-depth history of Boy Meets World.

But where do you go when you need to prepare the perfect pick-up line for a Friday night?

Pickupedia: The Pick-Up Line Encyclopedia. (more…)

Pickup lines can be pretty skeezy, but honestly, who doesn’t like to be hit on? Getting hit on is the greatest confidence – booster that exists. Even when an ugly dude throws me a lame line with the sole purpose of getting into my pants, I can’t help but ride the “gosh golly, maybe I really am pretty!â€? high for a couple of days. Guys: are you listening? Genuine or not, compliments large and small work wonders.According to dating guru Julia ask Allison, come – ons are rather failproof. But so is buying a girl french fries. She explains: girls want greasy food, but they are too self – conscious to order it for themselves. So if a guy orders it for a girl, it’s the ultimate in symbiotic pick – ups. Even if they don’t end up getting together, at least they get french fries. And it’s a lot less presumptuous than ordering a girl a Long Island Iced Tea.

Hmm. I’m not sure. I think I might prefer compliments to french fries, but I’ll still take any free grub. Thanks, guys!