At first, hearing about Key West’s Fantasy Fest, which is filled with mostly-naked, body-painted women walking the streets, alcohol flowing like water probably sounds like the best thing on Earth. But you’d be wrong. In fact, it’s just a bunch of saggy, middle-aged swinger-types who look like your mom, with crappy costumes and the smell of piña colda on their breath. To show you what we’re talking about, here are 40 Fantasy Fest FAIL Photos.

If you want to see all the hotties that attend Fantasy Fest instead, just click here!

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This sucks.

I busted my ass, did well in school, made smart choices. Now, I am graduating after four years of college that I paid for all myself – not through selling my “virginity” – but through loans. Now what? There are no jobs in the major markets that are even marginally appealing to anyone. I am not lucky enough to have parents who can float me for a year. My dad is a construction worker, but no offense, I am not graduating cum laude to do construction – sorry. I am just not sure I have a choice. But here are the few choices for graduating seniors I could scrounge together:

1. Everyone and their little cheerleader sister are heading to grad school. They don’t even know what for, but they took their GRE, MCAT, GMAT and every other test acronym I can think of. The upside is a delay for entering reality and you can push loan repayment for another 3 years or so, but F&*$ THAT! I need a break from school. I would love to actually get out of the academic world for at least a brief stint. Not writing off grad school totally, but I need about 2 years to figure out what I want to do. That degree in Finance, with a concentration in structured finance, that I am about to get isn’t worth the paper it is printed on. Thanks to my academic adviser! Way to steer me into a stable high growth industry.

2. A couple of my friends are determined to enter the military. Right now, there are serious incentives for entering the military. $10,000 in cash, money for grad school, and they will repay a portion of your school loans. Not too shabby, but we are talking about the military. Let us be straight, the US Military is not the beloved treasure it once was. My brother was in the Army and said he would help repay my loans for me before I join the military. Though tempting, I can’t take him up on it. Even though it will TOTALLY suck, it buys me 3 – 5 years, travel (to a desert somewhere in the Middle East), and serious help with school loans. The other upside is that as college graduates, we jump 5 pay-grades to an E-6 (Staff Sergeant) after training. Obviously I am trying to talk myself into this one – but it just seems drastic.

3. My girlfriend wants to join the Peace Corp, but with the way people LOVE Americans right now, I feel like that is joining the military without being given a gun. I hear stories about people who serve in the Peace Corp and attacked in foreign countries…not cool. Albeit, two of the people I know attacked in Africa were girls – I am just leery of that whole system. There are good stories too. People who get to travel the world, gain different perspectives, and learn different languages. Also, loan deferment is good – but they pay next to nothing, and my family doesn’t have money to spot me. I almost feel like the PC is more for rich kids who don’t want to go into the family business just yet. Either way, language experience in Swahili or something like that is not exactly going to a huge resume builder.

4. So many people are now running to get certified with education credits so they can teach. I am not one of those. I can’t teach. I would want to bang hot high school schools and 6-year-olds annoy the piss out of me. Noble profession, just not for me.

5. The Priesthood or some other religious vocation? I will pick up the Rosetta Stone – Swahili edition before I do that. Again, don’t like 6-year-olds.

6. There is always the option to just suck it up. Suck it up, and try my luck out in the job market. The problem is that there are tons of people in there late 20s through their 50s competing for the same jobs. People with ridiculous experience right now. I read in FORTUNE that GE right now has 50-year-old former executives with MBAs and law degrees, applying for the same jobs as college graduates. One thing is for sure – I wouldn’t pick me.

Seriously though – if I missed an option, please let me know. Yes, the idea of porn star and circus performer did cross my mind, but again – trying to not waste the $70,000 I just spent on school.

As if violent video games don’t already have a bad enough rap, some dumbass goes and does this:  After having his copy Halo 3 taken away from him, 16-year-old boy-genius Daniel Petric shot both his parents – killing his mother – and ran away with the game. Not only that, but Daniel tried to frame the crime on this father by trying to put the gun in his hand, before fleeing the scene.

Now, I’m not sure if Daniel knew this, but if you want to gaurantee that you’re never going to play video games ever again, it’s by f**king shooting your parents. I don’t know if they have an Xbox in prison, but if they do, something tells me this guy isn’t going to get a turn.

Read the whole story at Attuworld.com here!

Meeting your girl’s parents can go wrong in so many ways, it seems hard to miss the mark. But basically, if you act like you do normally, you’re probably going to come off as a douchebag. Instead, think of it as a job interview – but the goal is to make them not hate you for violating their daughter. And if your girl’s as hot as 2007 Playmate of the Year Sarah Jean Underwood, you better take that sh*t seriously.

So I just got back from three very long days of vacationing with my folks.

I mean, VERY long.

Here’s the thing: it totally sucked. I mean, I love spending time with my parents. I do. We get along very well. But three days of touristing in some random little rural town without any break from my parents EVER just isn’t my idea of a good time.

So here are a few tips that I wish I knew before I went. Good luck, you poor brave souls.

(1) Insist on having at least a little say in the location.

Okay, we went to this town in upstate NY (5 hours from their house, 3 from my apartment) for seemingly no reason. When I was informed, I did not question. Foolishly, I said instead, “Whatever you guys want.” Fatal mistake. You see, my mother decided that we just HAD to go see this giant kaleidoscope. Yes, that’s right: apparently, the basis of this trip was a giant kaleidoscope.

Anyway, we finally get to the stupid thing and they take one look at it and my dad says, “I’m not paying 10 bucks a person for this!”, my mom says, “I can’t lean on this thing for 7 minutes!”, and next thing I know we’re back at the motel trying to figure out what to do for the next three days. Read more

The Morning Show’s Mike and Juliet totally have their fingers on the pulse of young America as evidenced by their latest buzzworthy topic, “Drunkorexia.”

Drunkorexia (also known as “drunk-arexia”; take your pick) is the name of a media-approved epidemic that describes the daily behavior of every well-adjusted girl in college that doesn’t still shop at the Disney Store for XL sweatshirts sporting Pluto and Goofy. Thirty percent of women between the ages of 18 -23 curb their daily food intake in order to drink their meals.

Tastes great, less filling. (more…)

I believe the song from the South Park movie goes, “There are times when you get suckered in, by drugs and alcohol and sex with women. But it’s when you do these things too much that you become an addict and have to get back in touch.”

Mr. Mackey left something out of that little ditty: the video game World of Warcraft. (more…)

Statistics show that most Latin-American countries rank highest in a worldwide poll for “personal satisfaction.” Hot weather, nachos, Corona and the hottest women in the world – yeah, I’d be pretty pumped about my life too. (Yahoo)

A teacher in Montclaire gives out homework assignments to his students’ parents on the regular. Start placing your bets now to see how long it will take for this smart-aleck teacher to be “involved in a scandal.” I say two weeks. (NY Times)

Woman gets sued for downloading 24 songs of KaZaa. She originally got charged for 25 songs, but even the RIAA doesn’t consider Nickelback music. (Duluth News)

“The Top Ten Rude Behaviors in the Workplace” (Hopkins)

After the Mayor of Atlantic City turns up missing for over a week, some random dude appoints himself Mayor. First action as Mayor: rename A.C. “Awesomeville.” (CBS3)

It was the summer of ‘99 and throughout the world one movie was thrilling children and scaring parents: South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. The fantastic foursome of Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman made their big screen debut in a musical about growing up, defying authority, war and the apocalypse.

The plot of the movie is the boys pay a homeless guy to get them tickets to a new movie based on their favorite show Terrance and Phillip. They not only enjoy it but also expand their vocabulary with a wide variety of curse words, which causes Kyle’s mother to flip out and start a war with Canada. Unfortunately, if the war occurs Satan and Saddam Hussein, who are lovers, will begin a thousand year reign of terror. (more…)