Judging by the reports about the Olympic Committee’s decision for which city will win the bid to host the 2016 summer games, we have a sneaking suspicion that it’s not going to be Chicago. (Our money’s on Rio.) But with all the potential sexiness that comes with the Olympics, we have to do our part to help garner support for Chi-town landing the bid, which will be announced Friday. So, we present to you The 7 Sexiest Reasons Chicago Needs to Win The 2016 Olympic Bid.

Update: The 2016 Summer Olympics were awarded to Rio de Janeiro.  So here are 7 sexiest things Chicago will miss in 2106. (more…)

We vowed to stay miles away from the ridiculousness that is Shaq’s Big Challenge.  I mean c’mon, the world needs a Shaq reality show like we need six balls.  Our philosophy was if we just ignore it, it will go away.

It was good plan and it very well might have worked had the backsides of Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh not been pushing up against the inside of my flatscreen as I flipped across ABC.  Shaq was taking on the US Beach Volleyball Super-Duo May-Treanor and Walsh and I must admit I watched.  I liked.  Of course Misty and Kerri won in straight games, but the real winner of this match-up is you.

Once again, we bring you the beach volleyball butts of the Greatest Sport on Earth.  Thank you, Shaq.

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Every sport has its dangers. But every sport does not, however, involve wucking yourself off a platform 30-feet in the air into a pool. And even though water is a pretty forgiving surface to land on, when you’re traveling at mach-10 and land belly first, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you’re going to swim away in pain. For more details, just watch this clip.

(Image: Independent.co.uk)

Pat Riley masterminded a brilliant trade as the Miami Heat traded Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks to the Toronto Raptors for Jermaine O’Neal, Jamario Moon, and a lottery-protected first round draft pick. Basically he dominated former NBA Executive of the Year, Bryan Colangelo, and now has a team that can make some waves in the East this postseason. This trade is so much better for the Heat on so many levels. (more…)

If you’re reading this, chance are good you’re high right now. But it may come as some surprise that 14-time US Olympic gold medalist swimmer, Michael Phelps – arguably the greatest Olympian of all-time – wait for it….smokes weed, too!!! Gasp!

Proof comes after this picture (above) got into the hands of British tabloid News of the World, who busily condemns Phelps’ “drug use” as a defamation of what it means to be a true athlete. The picture was taken at a party at the University of South Carolina on November 6, ‘08 while Phelps was there visiting his “secret” girlfriend, Jordan Matthews.

Says News of the World:

Our source revealed: “Michael came to visit Jordan but ended up just getting wasted every night.

“He arrived with a group of girls hanging all over him. Jaws hit the floor when he walked in. You don’t get many celebrities in Columbia, so when Phelps comes to your party it’s a very big deal.

“He didn’t know many people so you’d think he’d be a little shy. But he was loud, obnoxious and slamming beers from the get-go.

“Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.”

Wait, Michael Phelps is a douchey party animal and college chicks wanna do him? No. WAY! That’s the g*ddamn craziest thing I’ve ever heard. Ever… But seriously, Phelps, WTF**K, dude? A lot of people still think smoking weed is as bad as chopping-off someone’s hand – or worse. So when you do it, DON’T LET PEOPLE TAKE YOUR F**KING PICTURE!

(Image: NewsoftheWorld.co.uk)

The NCAA met last weekend to decide whether or not to add beach volleyball to it’s official list of college sports. The vote which should have been a unanimous no-brainer, went undecided because of one glaring detail: the ultra sexy two-piece “uniforms” female beach volleyballers famously wear.

But despite this ridiculous bikini controversy, it is expected that the NCAA will approve beach volleyball in April, so you will be able to see sun-kissed cuties showing their skills in the sand–and showing off some awesome athlete ass on a campus near you in 2011!!

If you can’t wait until 2011 then click the thumbnails below to see beach volleyball babes in all their glory!

In the Amsterdam Olympics, there are no losers, only winners! In one of the major cities of sport—Amsterdam—you can prove superhuman feats of athleticism, with grueling sporting contests involving every possible debauchery the Red Light district has to offer – events illegal in our country, but perfectly accepted by our civilized cousins across the pond. Are you ready to face this extreme-sport action-challenge? Let the games begin!

OPENING TORCH CEREMONY

It’s time to inhale some culture! What better place to kick off the games than one of the city’s beloved coffee shops. You know, they serve “coffee” nudge-nudge wink-wink. At these beloved establishments, all types of pot and hash can be ordered right off of a menu. Just like McDonalds except they don’t ask if you “want fries with that”.

LIVE SEX SHOW EVENT

The first event involves seeing “live humans” on stage having sex. The challenge involves finding a show where the doorman looks the least sleaziest. I’m going to avoid places that advertises “Private Booths”. To me, “Private Booths” mean “sticky floors”.

BIATHLON

Next is a duo challenge. The first part involves drinking some blessed mushroom tea. The second part involves buying a stolen bike off of a junkie for under 20 Euros, then riding around the streets of Amsterdam until the imaginary bats that are attacking your head cause you to curl up in the fetal position behind a bunch of trash cans.

EQUESTRIAN EVENT

There wont be jumping over water with on a horse. But a horse is involved! This event shows mankind’s extreme love for the animal kingdom. Park your newly purchased stolen bike outside the Sex Museum of Amsterdam. Once inside, there are exhibits of standard stuff; sex through the ages artwork, toys, historical stuff. Towards the back is your Holy Grail – the bestiality exhibit. There’s a plaque. To paraphrase; having sex with animals is sinful for males, but is more natural for woman. Hmmmm?

BEDTIME EVENT

Prior to the onset of this last event, consume one very potent Space Cake. (This delicious delicacy, served at most Coffee Shops, is comprised of cake and hash.) After this quick “pick-me-up” snack, return to the Red Light district . Women, clad only in underwear, stand in red-illuminated windows, tapping on the glass like puppies in a pet store wanting a new owner. Inside, there’s a small bed and plenty of Kleenex. Some have curtains drawn, meaning the “rompy-stompy” is taking place. Most look like worn-out moms. The good-looking ones seem hardened. Choose wisely…

CLOSING CEREMONY

Drag yourself out of the drug and sex-fuled haze and make it to the airport before your plane leaves and you’ve successfully completed the Amsterdam Olympics! Now, just give yourself a pat on the back and start saving up for next year’s games.

This has been a crazy year here at COED, with more T&A-filled nonsense than a Japanese game show. And we’re proud of what we’ve done. (Maybe not proud in a, “Hey mom, check this out” kinda way, but happy with the outcome, nonetheless.) So to remember the highlights of 2008, we’ve put together the 10 most popular stories from the past 12 months. From handstands to Handbras, we’ve covered the events in the finest way we know how – with smokin’ hot chicks leading the way. So get ready for the best of the best. And farewell, 2008 – you’ve been a crazy son-of-a-bitch.

#10 The 100 Hottest Hand-Bras of All-Time

Ah, yes–the wonderful, magnificent “hand-bra”. There’s just something about a woman holding her own breasts that sends a magical lightning bolt of lust through any man worth his weight in Jergens. Maybe it’s that we want to put our hands there, or maybe it’s how freakin’ hot you look doin’ it. So get ready because if you’re already a breast-man, this could possibly be the greatest thing you’ve ever seen in you’re entire life. And if you’re not a breast-man, you’re about to become one. You’re welcome.

#9 The Ass-ential Nastia Liukin

The perfect weapon–vicious talent, inhuman flexibility, super hotness–Anastasia “Nastia” Valeryevna Liukin reigns as star of the 2008 US women’s gymnastics team at the Beijing Summer Games.

With nine World Championship medals already in the bag–and a fresh Olympic gold, which she earned Thursday night in the women’s gymnastics overall competition–this 18-year-old comes from an immaculate pedigree, her father winning Olympic gold at the ‘88 Games on the horizontal bars for the Soviets, her mother a World Champion rhythmic Russian gymnast.

And on top of all those skills is a blond bombshell that makes us wish we were chalk boys…or something. But were not, so we did what we do best–a wall of split-rific pics of the all around awesomeness that is Nastia Liukin. And now, The Ass-ential Nastia Liukin.

#8 The Ass-ential Alicia Sacramone

Despite her tragic falls last night in the fight for the gold against the uber-jail-bait Chinese gymnastics team (who won), 20-year-old Alicia Sacramone is still our favorite high-flying hottie. She’s cute as can be, and fills out the spandex better than any other gymnast in Beijing this year–maybe ever. Oh, and did we mention that she’s a total badass?

To properly honor this flexible hottie, we’ve put together the one-stop-shop for all the Sacramone sexiness this side of the Great Wall with The Ass-ential Alicia Sacramone. Maybe the US team came in second yesterday, but Alicia and her bodacious butt have already earned their gold.

#7 COED’s Comprehensive Guide to Naked Olympians

Nothing combines the beauty and athletic prowess of the Olympic Games like female athletes showing off their finely tuned bodies without the unnecessary hindrance of clothing. To celebrate the awesomeness of these perfect human specimens, we’ve compiled the quintessential collection of every Olympian to ever strip off her uniform.

In the years to come, we hope to see the likes of Lolo Jones, Almudena Cid, Cat Osterman, Jenn Stuczynski, Alona Bondarenko, Rita Dravucz, Yelena Isinbayeva, and of course, Alison Stokke. But for now, we’ll just have to settle for the 36 who’ve already helped the Games by showing us all exactly what they’re made of.

#6 The Definitive 25 Sexiest Sportscasters

In the world of sports, you have the athletes and then you have the female sportscasters. Not only do these vixens of stats and plays deliver awesome (and sometimes hilarious) sideline reporting and interviews, they add a woman’s touch to an ugly man’s world, making it all worthwhile–even when your team loses. From a sea of beauty, brains and braun, we’ve narrowed down the field of these mic-holding honeys. So sit back, grab a beer, and get read for the Top 25 Sexiest Sportscasters.

#5 The 52 Best Natural Breasts of All-Time

If you haven’t noticed, we here at COED love women. We couldn’t live without them – neither could you. Another thing you might not have noticed is that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Since we much prefer the lovely ladies of the world happy, healthy and whole, we thought we’d help out.

In addition to donating, what’s a better way to help celebrate this important month than by sorting through all the greatest sweater kittens from history to bring you the 52 Best Natural Breasts of All-Time? Answer: There isn’t one.

#4 Sexy Halloween Costumeless

Every dude (except this one) loves Halloween for one reason and one reason only – super slutty costumes that show a lot of skin. But this year, it’s time to take things to the next level: costume-less.

Instead of dressing up to show less, why not cut to the chase and just paint the damn thing on? Luckily for us all, that’s exactly what these lovely ladies have done. Sure, it might get a bit cold on trick-or-treat night, but something tells us both the tricks and the treats are going to be hell of a lot better if this trend catches on.

A note to all you “employees” out there, this one is mildly NSFW. Yes, these women are “naked.” But if the nipple isn’t nipple-colored, then is it really nude? We say no, but your boss might say yes. So don’t be a dumbass – think before clicking on this one – and don’t say we didn’t warn you.  Happy Halloween!

#3 Top 25 Sexiest Female Athletes of 2007

These girls can out-run you, out-swim you; shut you down in a game of full-court b-ball, ski faster and jump higher than you ever will. They have physical prowess in their respective sport, and unlike 99% of the other girls in their league are incredibly nice to look at!

Without further ado, here are the Top 25 Sexiest Female Athletes of 2007. Check out each girl’s gallery and vote in the poll for your top choice.

#2 The 20 Sexiest Photo Collections of 2007

Along with sex-tapes, scandalous pictures of hot celebrities were all the rage in 2007, culminating with the following 20 photo collections.

Some of the sexy photo collections on display are from print magazines (one of which introduced Megan Fox to the world) and Hollywood red-carpet events; but the majority were made infamous because the candid shots were not intended for the internet (we’re looking at you, Lindsay Lohan, Vanessa Hudgens and Antonella Barba).

#1 Hot for Teacher: 18 Sexiest Sex Offenders

It has to be said: female school teachers are the new male Catholic priests.

Sexual offenses committed by female teachers is at its peak, much like the libidos of the accused. While male teachers are (rightfully) lambasted for their sexual misconduct, women seem to get off much easier – literally and figuratively. And why, you ask? The answer is simple: older women seducing younger men is part of our culture, like it or not. Just ask Mrs. Robinson, or Stifler’s Mom.

South Park touched on the subject in “Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy,” where Kyle’s little brother Ike has an affair with his Kindergarten teacher. The cops in the episode have a field day with the case, exclaiming “niiiiiiiiice” after hearing about the teacher’s naughty secret. Their point, however blurry, was well taken: everybody loves a sexed-up authoritative figure, within reason.

My point and solution? Horny teachers should wait, ever so patiently, until their prey graduates. If you’re into kids, you deserve to be locked up; if you’re into being the older lady for kicks, play your cards right, don’t break the law, and have at it like a jackrabbit.

We here at COED do not condone sexual misconduct by any means, unless said means consist of hot, willing and able teachers getting down with young studs. Just kidding…?

You may remember the lovely Kara Goucher from the Bejing Olympics… probably not because she finished 9th in the 5000m and 10th in the 10000m , but more likely because of the attention a certain Redeem Team player was throwing her way.

Well, today the married Mrs. Goucher is making headlines again, finishing an impressive third with a time of 2 hours, 25 minutes, 53 seconds in Sunday’s running of the ING NYC Marathon.

Typically I’d have more patience watching Monday Night Bingo at the Elks Lodge, than television marathon coverage, but Kara Goucher is quickly making me a believer.  In addition to bringing sexy back to a traditionally non-spectator-friendly sport, the 30 year-old Queens native is drawing the eyes of the running world being the first US woman in 14 years to stand top 3 in NYC.

I think SportsByBrooks nailed it on the head with their headline “Hottie Wins Third, But FIrst In My Heart”.

Check out SBB for more Kara Goucher pics.

FOX To Stream Fall Premieres For Dorms

In a first, Fox will stream the premiere of “Fringe” and season opener of “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” online at the same time as they bow on TV.

But there’s a catch: Only computer users on college campuses will be able to log in to watch the simul-stream.

Move helps Fox expose the trend-setting college audience — who are more likely to have computers than TVs in their dorm rooms — to the shows. [Variety]

US Colleges Moving To Retire Cafeteria Trays

Crammed on middle linebacker Derek Walker’s plate are beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, spinach and a roll. In the other hand, he balances a salad and a bottle of hot sauce. He lumbers through the small, tabled-filled cafeteria and plunks down without spilling a drop.

All without a tray.

“You’ve just got to do with what you have,” Walker said. Glenville State has joined an increasing number of colleges and universities that have shed their cafeteria trays. [Google]

Beijing 2008: College Olympians to Remember

Scores of athletes competing in Beijing were 2008 collegians, including a dozen American medal-winners.

Look back at some of the best, culled from our blog coverage at home and abroad. [uWire]