Out of the myriad of things wrong with today’s society, we need to thank Matt and Trey for calling attention to one of the greatest underlying causes of racial tension in the United States. Urination etiquette is of course the underlying issue, but as we all learned last night – there are just too many minorities in our waterparks. (To be fair though, there are a growing number of fat white people wearing t-shirts in the pool as well.)

(Check Out The Full Episode Here)

Not My Water Park – Lyrics

What has happened to this place
I don’t recognize it anymore
It used to be so fun and special
What is life worth living for

The dream is dead
Our land is gone
There’s a hole in my heart
And I can’t go on

There are too many minorities (minorities)
At my water park (my water park)
This was our land, our dream (our dream)
and they’ve taken it all away

They just keep coming and coming (minorities)
I tried to go and tell the police
But even the authorities
Are minorities (are minorities)
At my water park

There’s no place for me to sit anymore
And the lines just keep getting crazier
There are Mexicans all around me
The lazy river has never been lazier

It’s a 40 minute wait to go down one slide
And the instructions are in Spanish on the Zip Line ride (just do it in English!)

There are too many minorities (too many)
At my water park (somebody do something)
Where did they all come from
Why can’t they leave this land alone

And it’s such a tragedy (feel a bit like dying)
We looked the other way too long
We’ve got to change our priorities
And get all these minorities
Out of my water park

(Minorities) Mexicans and Asians
Black people
I think I even saw Native Americans (gross)

God I’m asking please
Get all of these minorities
Out of my water park (my water park)

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By Evan Kessler

Back in 2005, three veterans of the Austin, Texas music scene, bassist Steve Terebecki, drummer Josh Block and singer-guitarist James Petralli, joined forces for what would become White Denim. The band debuted with their 2008 release, Workout Holiday, and the single, “Let’s Talk About It” garnered them a healthy following in the UK. But it’s their latest album, Fits, that they hope will give them some due attention back home. (more…)

Ask anyone with any musical sense whatsoever what the worst band of all-time is, and 4 out of 7 times, they’ll say Creed. The complete and utter douchiness of this band is almost incredible. But when I cam across this little number, I have to say, this is the best Creed song I’ve ever heard.

This morning, we came across what has to be the sweetest internet radio station of all-time: 1015thepole.com. No, you’re not going to find your favorite indie bands on here, you f**king hipsters. What you are going to get is non-stop stripper tunes that’ll send you straight back to that night you got the clap. I mean, the name of the radio station is The Pole! Jesus Christ…

On top of the strip club music, The Pole also provides you will all your stripper wants and needs, like pictures of strippers, interviews with strippers and a g*ddamn employee bathroom webcam. These guys mean business. So if you don’t have time (or the permission) to hit up your local strip club, just tune into The Pole – it’s damn-near as good.

This weekend, hipsters young and old will converge en masse at Chicago’s Grant Park for the annual Lollapalooza musical festival. Hundreds of acts will perform during the festival’s three days, spanning all kinds of genres, and I bet you’re wondering what the hell you should go see. Well, lucky for you, I’m here to help. I’m going to let you in on 9 must-see acts at Lollapalooza.

However, there are, of course, a few stipulations. For one, these aren’t the only must-see acts, these are just 9, three from each day. Second, this doesn’t include headliners. I’m not here to break bands like Depeche Mode and Kings of Leon to you–besides, let’s face it, you’ve already made your decision regarding those bands anyway. The point here is to tip you off to some acts you may have otherwise not given any second thought. Well, now’s the time to start seriously pondering.

1. Fleet Foxes – Friday, 5:00-6:00, Playstation Stage

Fleet Foxes epitomize the classic festival band. This indie folk 5-piece has made quite a storm in the past year, and with good reason. A mix between Iron & Wine and Band of Horses, the sound of Fleet Foxes is pastoral and peaceful. Lay out your blanket, have a seat, and settle your nerves as you listen to lead singer Robin Pecknold’s incredible pipes.

2. Crystal Castles – Friday, 5:00-6:00, Vitamin Water Stage

With the emergence of indie electro we have seen a much wider acceptance of bands that somewhat go against the grain. Case-in-point: Crystal Castles. This duo consisting of multi-instrumentalist, Ehtan Kath and vocalist, Alice Glass combines punk-rock, hip-hop, Nintendo noises, electronica, and a slew of other unknown sounds. Regardless of how we label them, they know how to rock out a set.

3. A-Trak – Friday, 5:45-7:00, Perry’s Stage

One of the most impressive changes to Lollapalooza this year is the expansion of Perry’s Stage. Once a spot to check out mid-level deejays during one’s off-time has now become a showcase of the best DJ talent in the world. Perhaps at the forefront of this is A-Trak, a renowned magician on the decks. He hit the “mainstream” scene touring as Kanye’s DJ, and has been on a rampant hot streak ever since. For those of you who may not be into the whole dance music thing, this guy is worth checking out for his scratching and beat-juggling skills alone. The dude won DMC’s World DJ Championship in 1997 – at age 15. He’s so good, it’ll make you puke.

4. Santigold – Saturday, 5:30-6:30, Playstation Stage

Chances are you’ve heard Santigold plenty of times – even if you don’t own any of her music. Featured on Bud Light Lime commercials, Entourage episodes, and who knows where else, Santigold has exploded onto the scene in the last year-ish. A mix of hip-hop, electro, and rock, with a tinge of that Jamaican flavor, Santigold has done a great job making these elements work in harmony to create an incredibly likable sound. Her shows are just as likable, so don’t miss this one.

5.TV on the Radio – Saturday, 6:30-7:30, Budweiser Stage

I remember fondly my first time seeing TV on the Radio: a drunken, debauchery-filled Friday during my college days, highlighted by one of the best shows I have ever seen. While those days might be long gone, it’s good to know one can still channel those experiences. TV on the Radio received a lot of acclaim for their most recent album, Dear Science, and the only thing better than listening to them pre-recorded is seeing them live. Driving bass lines, roaring drums, and lead singer Tunde Adebimpe’s voice make for an incredible combination when right in front of your eyes.

6. Animal Collective – Saturday, 7:30-8:30, Vitamin Water Stage

Psychedelic favorites, Animal Collective perhaps offer the most complete package on this list. Known for offbeat lyrics and unpredictable song structures, these Baltimore natives always impress.  A band that can slow it down, go completely nuts, or keep a happy medium, Animal Collective has an eclectic sound perfect for the festival atmosphere.

7. Bat for Lashes – Sunday, 1:30-2:30,Vitamin Water Stage

As Sunday arrives and you drag your dehydrated, hungover carcass to the final day of Lollapalooza, a good way to ease back into the thick of things is to go see Bat for Lashes. Relatively unknown, Bat for Lashes just released Two Suns, a wonderful album full of emotion and lush sounds. I really have no way of describing the sound without misplacing terms, so just check out the video.

8. Boys Noize – Sunday, 5:30-7:00, Perry’s Stage

Glitchy, distorted, thumping – Boys Noize is the man who is bringing electro into its next era. In many ways the natural progression from Daft Punk, Boys Noize is everywhere you might not guess. Remixing tracks for Feist, A-Trak and – believe it – The Black Eyed Peas, Alexander Ridha (aka Boys Noize) has supplanted himself as a premier producer/DJ. His sets are all-out, loud-as-hell dance parties. The only question is: are you going to have enough energy by then to hang with it?

9. Silversun Pickups – Sunday, 7:30-8:30, Vitamin Water Stage

As your Lolla journey comes to an end, a good way to setup your final headliner is by checking out Silversun Pickups. Often mistaken for The Smashing Pumpkins, this 4-piece from Los Angeles does plenty to distinguish themselves from their grunge predecessors. Great vocals, coupled with some of the best guitar riffs of late help achieve a powerful, unmistakably rock ‘n roll sound that is the basis for the traditional American music festival. So, pay homage to tradition and make your way to see Silversun Pickups.

Now that you’re equipped with the knowledge you need to have a great festival experience, get out there and enjoy yourselves. Oh, and on a final note, please don’t be the jackass moshing in everyone’s personal space – I’d hate to see you get kicked out.

When remembering the regrettable cultural cesspool that defined the 1980’s, two things typically come to mind: horribly bad synth-pop and Sylvester Stallone. Like a marriage made in 80’s Hell, the two combined created a unique genre of inspirational pussy-rock that bled all over American Pop Culture like a Rambo-induced, survival knife slash to the jugular. These songs that once made us hope, cheer and yes… even cry, now make us cringe with embarrassment that we know every lyric, line for line. (Stop your bitching… you know you love it.) (more…)

There’s no denying it – lasers are totally sweet. I don’t care what they’re doing, they just kick the crap out of any other type of non-laser thing, even shotguns. Take this laser, for instance, which can somehow make what sounds like DJ scratching noises just by tracing crap written on paper. Sh*t yeah, it’s sweet as hell. Frickin’ lasers…

It’s pretty obvious that if you’re a COED reader, you’re also big into National Public Radio. (Diane Rehm – total hottie!) So you probably already know all about their list of the 30 best albums and 30 best songs of 2009, so far. But on the off chance that you don’t listen to NPR, or even own a radio, then we thought we’d fill you in, so you can stock up that iPod of yours with all the latest, greatest tunes.

Listen to The Best Songs of 2009 playlist, here!

Click here for the full list of the Best Albums and Best Songs of 2009

This bodacious brunette hottie is none other than England’s newest music sensation, Charleene Rena. And not only is she super fly and super talented, she was also kind enough to talk to our friends over at FHM UK about everything from video games to sex. Don’t be surprised if you see a lot more of this one (not that we’re complaining…).

Check out Charleene Rena Week In Re-Boob gallery!

Nobody f**king listens to classical music anymore, besides your rich grandfather who wears a sweater year-round and drinks brandy. And that’s a shame, since some of the most badass tunes ever written come from that era. So, in an attempt to get you to listen to something besides that assclown, Asher Roth, the good people at EarFarm have put together a list of the “Top 10 Most Metal Classical Music Pieces.” And you thought Vivaldi was a p*ssy… [via TheDailySwarm]

Check out the full list, here!