I’m no lawyer, but I think that most laws are pretty straightforward and make a lot of sense. While you would think that this has always been the case, you would be wrong. Apparently, things must have been pretty wild in the past because the fact that these five things weren’t illegal is a total mindf*ck – especially because these mostly deal with physical violence or possible/probable death. Check out our list below!

Have you ever found yourself so bored with the shameless repetition of holiday specials that you crave some violence? By about the billionth time you’ve seen A Christmas Story, you really do want Ralphy to shoot his eyeball out with that bee-bee gun, complete with blood and gore. The holiday season can leave us all quite a bit jaded with the overload of cheer and glee to the point of being toxic. For that kind of depression, nothing brightens up one’s day more than a horror movie to turn this festive time of year on its candy-coated ass. Here is a list of some much needed counter-programming.

The trial for the drunk driver accused of killing Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim pitcher, Nick Adenhart, began today. Sports Illustrated reports Andrew Gallo, 23, “spent hours drinking tequila and beer” at three bars before he got behind the wheel of his parents’ minivan the night Angels pitcher was killed by a drunken-driving crash.

No sport seems to have as many athletes in trouble with the law as the National Football League does, so here is an “All-Star” team of sorts, compiled of 11 former and current NFL players that either have been, or are currently incarcerated.

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Hey man, I don’t claim to be a mystic or a psychic or teller of good fortunes but I did say Inception would rake in enough dough to surpass their budget on its way to a third consecutive week at #1. It edged Dinner for Schmucks while Charlie St. Fartface somehow slid in at #5 a mere $2k above P*ssypants McGee. This week’s entries include cops, porn stars, street dancers, mafiosos, gay Neo-Nazis, adulterers, war, murder, puppy love, kidnappings, and mountain climbers. You put all THOSE in a movie and you’ve got yourself a seizure. Do you like the way it hurts? Read on…

Yes, they’re hot, they’re sexy, and they’ve murder numerous people by the bushel full. They are the hot females of serial killing! A serial killer is a person who murder usually three or more people over a period of more than 30 days with a “cooling off” period between each murder, whose motivation for killing is largely based on psychological gr… Click to read more

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MySpace, there you go again, harming our poor, young, impressionable youth with your incessant spamming (thanks for the ads!) and providing an oasis for rapists and murderers.
The idea of a social networking website has its merits – socializing and, uh, networking – but when do the harmless aspects of sites like MySpace, Facebook and Friends… Click to read more

An unscripted police procedural:… Click to read more

Believed to be cursed for his murderous act of stoning two dog’s boning in his rice field, an Indian dude marries a dog to end the curse.
Nip/Tuck is going downtown.
VIDEO: this PC-powered car brings a whole new meaning to “powered Windows.”
It’s better to have your PC toasted than fried.
Weezer announces release date for sixth albu… Click to read more

Rachel’s Gentleman’s Club in Florida gives away complimentary flu-shots and free lunch to the elderly. No word on worthwhile benefits for pervy middle-age guys, though. (WESH)
I won’t even attempt to divulge any thoughts on this real-life space opera. (Pravda)
Woman murders her boyfriend when she found his porn stash. Let this be a le… Click to read more

Reason 798 why the Internet creeps me out: (which is even weirder than reason 797: the government probably reading everything I’ve ever put on here), people not being who they say they are online.
Wired Magazine recently featured a story that is the mother of all mistaken Internet identity tales, and reads like some kind of psychotic Lifetime movie of the w… Click to read more

Let me rephrase that – THEY need to be sent to Guantanamo Bay! Talk about terrorists? HERE THEY ARE!
If you have been in denial and haven’t read the story, you can check out the AOL version here. I know we like to keep things light and fluffy here at COED, but sorry – not this post! You want sex advice, click away.
These are the pictures and names of these… Click to read more