Merry Christmas, e’erybody! By now, you’ve opened up your gifts and planned out when and how you’ll be able to return / throw away / exchange them all. If you’re unsatisfied with tonight’s lineup of sh*tty Christmas specials and don’t feel like watching the Packers blast the Bears, we’ve got a virtual feast for the eyes that includes Classic Christmas movies, Christmas cleavage, Page 3 Girls, Denise Milani, the ultimate Christmas music playlist, Christmas drinking games, Christmas songs to avoid, Santa Claus beer pongin’ & bongin’, suicidal Christmas dogs, beer can Christmas trees, Christmas taxidermy, drunk XXX-mas party girls, and WTF Christmas ornaments. Click through to overdose on the Christmas spirit.

Movie characters just have cooler lives than us. We sit around cubicles pounding out TPS reports while they drive fast cars, woo ungodly hot women, and laugh at authority and danger. I, on the other hand, drive a Prius, watch porn, and obey crosswalks. There’s a reason millions of people pay to see them, while I couldn’t pay a homeless man $100 to watch a 24 hour video of my life. Sometimes movie characters are so awesome that we would trade our own miserable lives with theirs, even though they croak at the end of the movie. Check out our list of characters we would die to trade places with even though they met their maker prematurely.

The US version of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo hits theaters nationwide today (12/21). The Swedish version of the trilogy was a worldwide phenomenon, so you can only imagine how huge this trilogy has the potential to be with David Fincher directing and Daniel Craig starring. Noomi Rapace played the female lead, Lisbeth Salander, in the original, and now Rooney Mara will take her turn as the bad-ass computer hacker who will later play with fire and kick a hornet’s nest. Both leading ladies are straight fire, but who’s hotter? Check out their galleries below then vote in our poll, hoss.

UPDATE: We now have the non-bootleg HD version. A bootleg version of the first full length trailer for The Dark Knight Rises has been leaked online and it’s everything we could’ve hoped for and more. If this doesn’t cement our pick as the most anticipated movie of 2012, I don’t know what does. You’ve got Anne Hathaway as Selena Kyle (quite possibly her sexiest role yet) whispering into Bruce Wayne’s ear about the demise of Gotham, you’ve got Bane blowing Heinz Field to smithereens as Hines Ward is somehow too in the zone (literally and figuratively) to notice he just lost his entire team, and you’ve got some kinda weird batmobile that flies. Welcome to the highest grossing film of all-time. Check out the legend ending after the jump.

Back in late June, we told you Megan Fox joined the cast of The Dictator, one of the most anticipated movies of 2012. Today, we bring you the first official trailer for what’s sure to be one of the funniest flicks of the year. What should you expect? John C. Reilly and Ben Kingsley do anything for ya? No? How about Megan Fox selling her body then taking a big fat dookie on the Kardashians? We thought you’d enjoy that you fecalphiliac! Check out Sacha Baron Cohen’s kooky oppressor after the jump.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes was one of our most anticipated movies of 2011. We got reamed for that pick, but those haters are eating healthy helpings of crow after it’s been called one of the surprise hits of the year. The DVD, Blu-ray, and digital copy come out TODAY – Tuesday, December 13th. To celebrate the release, we’re giving away five (5) copies of the DVD. Find out how to enter after the jump.

We included The Three Stooges on our list of most anticipated movies of 2012, mostly due to all the buzz around who’d be in it and the fact that the Farrelly Brothers are directing. Readers shat on us for that pick, but they might change their minds after seeing the trailer via The Daily Wh.at Tumblr. It’s got almost as many dislikes as likes on YouTube, but that’s because f***ing women just don’t get the classic slapstick the Stooges bring to the table. They know how to do lowbrow right. They also know what dudes like and dudes like Kate Upton exiting a pool in a righteous swimsuit. Check it out after the jump.

This morning Screen Junkies reported via The National Ledger that Bradley Cooper has confirmed there WILL be a third Hangover but it won’t follow the formulaic storyline of the first two. Todd Phillips is reportedly working on the script and they hope to start shooting in September 2012. However, they might need to rethink their strategy after Saturday’s announcement that the first FDA approved hangover pill is now available. And it’s called “Blowfish”. Read more after the jump.

2011 was a mixed bag for movies, but most film fanatics would say it was yet another down year filled with misses rather than hits. Taking a look at our list of Most Anticipated Movies, there were only a handful that met or exceeded expectations. We can’t completely write off ’11 yet, as many of the best films release in December. But after seeing this supercut from YouTube user ‘hatinhand’, you’d think 2011 was unbelievably awesome. It took the user over a month of uploading and editing 166 films and 6 songs. There were plenty of omissions, but most of ‘em sucked, so no one’s getting teary-eyed over it. Check out the year in film in about 7-8 minutes after the jump.

Last year’s list of most anticipated movies of 2011 had a healthy combination of hits and misses – The Hangover 2, Cowboys & Aliens, Green Lantern, and The Rum Diary proved the expression “don’t believe the hype” while other movies like Rise of the Planet of the Apes far surpassed expectations much to the chagrin (yeah, I said it) of cranky commenters. So, which movies releasing in 2012 are dudes most looking forward to? Well, don’t expect much different from Hollywood – they’re sticking to their arsenal of sequels, prequels, superheroes, reboots, and re-envisionings of classic fairy tales. That doesn’t mean we’re any less pumped to see the following 30 flicks. Check ‘em out and sound off in the comments after the jump.

Well, what does the most expensive movie ever made look like? We get just the slightest taste / whiff with this teaser trailer for Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie. It was already one of the most anticipated movies of 2012, but now it very well could be the most WTF cinematic adventure of all-time. What do we learn from the trailer? Other than somehow some way it will be available on demand in late January, a full month before it hits theaters on March 2nd. Oh, and also, #shrim. See what we mean after the jump.

You owe it to yourself to watch this Supercut. Not only is a great reminder that good films actually do exist, you can consider this your homework assignment. Learn at least three of these so that next time your roommate eats your box of candy you specifically were saving for April 20th, you can come off like a bad-a**, not like some pothead, forgetful retard. Why try to come up with your own stuff on the fly when you can have Hollywood’s writers do it for you? Learn from the best after the jump!

As you might have heard, ‘Merica just launched its new Mars Rover (the Curiosity) over the weekend. Today is also Red Planet Day, so it only makes sense for us to present you with all sorts of “facts” based on “science” that are “true” about Mars (yeah, I know; ridiculous). But we answer to a higher power: Hollywood. When NASA tells us there’s nothing on Mars we scoff because, thanks to Total Recall, we know there’s not only life, but three-titted life. And that’s only the beginning. See how movies portray Mars after the jump.

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday for one thing only; food. It is the only holiday where we get a day off of work to eat until guts explode out of our bellies. No presents, no greeting cards and no religious rituals. But what about movies? There are a million Christmas films that are replayed every year on television. Where are the Thanksgiving movies? If you’re tired of Charlie Brown and Home Alone, check out our list of the must-see and must-avoid T-give movies after the jump.

Remember growing up and seeing a cartoon character eye up the most delicious looking pie or hamburger or whole turkey? You were right there, salivating with them. Then you discovered weed and it only intensified the feeling. It’s also a foregone conclusion that when you watch a stoner movie, you’re gonna smoke up. But, what if you ate munchies t… Click to read more