It’s not hard for a bad movie to open on top of the weekend box office chart — a combination of heavy marketing, recognizable stars, and a simple concept pretty much assures it.  Every month, for example, a new bad horror movies comes and goes.  Remember The Messengers, Darkness Falls or Urban Legends: Final Cut?  They were all the #1 movie in America at one point.

Romantic comedies work the same way: Forces of Nature, Monster-in-Law, and Failure to Launch all topped the box office in their day.  And then there’s the awful kids’ movies that lazy parents pay for: Scooby Doo…Pokemon…The Pacifier…and the list goes on.

The thing about all these movies is that they’re passively bad.  Everybody already knew they would suck, and they’re quickly forgotten.  Sometimes, however, a movie opens at #1 that is really bad.  Offensively bad.  Beg-for-your-money-back, sign-of-the-impending-apocalypse bad.  Here are the 10 Worst Movies to Open at #1.  (more…)

• You’re About To Get Hit In The Face

• Breakfast As Directed by Michael Bay

• New U. of Oregon Cheerleader Bikini Pics

• Celebrity Underage Drinking

• Turtles In A Half-Shell

• Amber Heard Gets Topless (NSFW)

This must be Megan Fox week Reloaded. Rarely does one get the opportunity to see a flower bloom, or the creation of a masterpiece – in this case we have the opportunity and we should be grateful. When “Brutal Hotness” becomes an Academy Award category, this soon to be 7 time Oscar Award winner will be remembered in the annals of B-movie history.

Of course, we are talking about Megan Fox. We are VERY glad they cut this quasi-monologue from the film, because it sounds gay and she sounds retarded. I guess every now and then Michael Bay gets it right.

Check Out These Other Smokin’ Megan Fox Posts

Variety has reported that the DGA (Directors Guild of America) has struck a three-year deal with the AMPTP (Alliance of Motion Picture of Motion Picture & Television Producers). The agreement will boost the residual rate of TV and film Internet downloads for Directors.

From Variety:

The DGA, which will send the pact to members for ratifications after its Jan. 26 board meeting, highlighted a trio of new-media gains:

Establishing DGA jurisdiction over programs produced for distribution on the Internet

Boosting the residuals formula for paid Internet downloads (electronic sell-through) by double the current rate

Establishing residual rates for ad-supported streaming and use of clips on the Internet

Call me crazy, but isn’t that deal essentially what the WGA wants? (more…)

It was bound to happen: Hollywood hacks may be taking The Karate Kid, one of the most beloved movies of all time, hostage. Gagged and bound.

This news isn’t as shocking as one would expect, seeing that approximately 3 out of 4 movies in theaters are either remakes or adapted screenplays from best-selling books. Has that little attribute called “creativity” been done away with completely or is Hollywood just f***ing lazy?

Beats me. All I know is that Will Smith’s son, Jaden Smith (Pursuit of Happyness) is slated to play Daniel-San. C’mon! I’m sure the original crane-kicker Ralph Macchio needs the work. Pat Morita (R.I.P.) would be pissed.

The remake epidemic is still running strong, and will continue to do so as long as boneheaded moviegoers shell out $10 (or more) to see a poor rendition of a flick they hold on a pedestal out of pure nostalgia. Let the memories be exactly that – memories. (more…)

I despise Michael Bay – not because of his back catalog of overstuffed, budget-husking flicks (The Rock and Bad Boys were A-OK action fluff IMHO). There are hundreds-upon-hundreds of hacks in Hollywood; to pick out Bay as the single, solitary bane of moviemaking existence is plausible, but not probable.

I despise Michael Bay for being such a jaded, wishy-washy, temperamental p**** when backed into the proverbial corner by Paramount execs.

When the head-honchos at Paramount decided to ditch the blu-ray format and go HD-DVD exclusive Bay flipped his wig and posted a nasty blog about their poor decision and stepping down from his directorial duties on Transformers 2 – mere hours later his inspired rant was completely retracted.

The ending prose in his “updated” blog is pure pussing-out:

“As a director, I’m all about people seeing films in the best quality possible, and I saw and heard firsthand people upset about a corporate decision.

So today I saw 300 on HD-DVD, it rocks!

So I think I might be back on to do Transformers 2!”

Yay, Bay! “As a director” you’re sappier than Vermont’s Finest and about as “upset about a corporate decision” as anybody who has lined their pockets with millions directing big-budget, action-packed weep-a-thons. (more…)