As many of you know, the Mayans have explained that we’ve got less than a year to live. Why not go out in style? A great barometer of your partying should be the following: even if the Mayan-theory goes the way of the Rapture (i.e. revealed to be total cockamamie horsesh*t)** your life should still be over in a year. To get a great headstart on the beginning of the end, you should take our advice and try to do at least three of the five things you’ll find after the jump!

Last night, a couple of lucky schmucks from Idaho and Washington had the numbers 4, 8, 15, 25, 47, 42 and won the Mega Millions jackpot. They will share a $355 million jackpot. And since I’m broke, I was pretty pissed off it wasn’t me. Then I made myself feel better by remembering that most people who win the lottery have their lives ruined by the money. But that got me thinking, what exactly are you supposed to do, if you miraculously win, to keep it from ruining you life? (Surprisingly, “hookers and coke” is not the right answer.) After a little research, I’ve come up with a few quick tips for how to conduct yourself after becoming richer than your wildest dreams.

Expendables shot its way to #1 whlie Eat Pray Queef ate prayed and queefed its way into the second slot. Scott Pilgrim failed to conquer America, coming in at #5. There are like 80 movies releasing this week, so you might want to grab a sandwich or a snack. Hold your breath, we’re goin’ in!

Piranha 3D
The Weinstein Company
To be honest, I initially wr… Click to read more

Guitar riff. Black van with red stripe blasting through some bushes. Mohawk. Disguises. Guns. Bigger Guns. Tanks falling from the sky. Helicopters. Cigars clenched by the strongest set of mandibles ever. If you have a problem. If no one else can help. You can call on … THE A-TEAM. Man, has this been a long time coming.

Wednesday, a lucky Queens, New York resident won a staggering $133 million in the Mega Millions state lottery. And since I live in Queens, I was pretty pissed off it wasn’t me. Then I remembered that most people who win the lottery have their lives ruined by the money. But that got me thinking, what exactly are you supposed to do, if you miraculously win, to keep it from ruining you life? (Surprisingly, “hookers and coke” is not the right answer.)

At some point last year Eli Manning decided he wanted to become an NFL star and now a few months later (with a Super Bowl ring & MVP trophy and multiple commercial endorsements in tow) Manning is laughing his way to the bank.
Eli’s fully automated Hoboken, New Jersey condo he shares with new wife Abby was the subject of a recent profile piece for Electr… Click to read more

Pool Stunt Ends Painfully
These kids come up with the bright idea to stand on top of a stack of chairs lined up next to the pool then have a friend run straight at them. It does not go well.
Lottery Spending Spree
Two scratch off lottery winners spend all their winnings in 8 hours on hookers, booze and complete debauchery.
Best Shadow Puppets Ever!… Click to read more