At first glance, this might seems like some type of ironic joke. But you’d be wrong about the ironic part. This is actually footage from outside a 1991 rodeo in Calgary, Canada called the Calgary Stampede. Needless to say, these dudes could have benefited to at least take some yoga kickboxing or something, because this is pathetic…

It’s one thing to make a fool of yourself while drunk when you’re in the company of friends. It’s an entirely other thing to be an old dude at the beach trying to put your pants on as a shirt while standing in front of a bunch of laughing kids with a video camera. Because when that happens, you end up on here…

Once you’re an adult, Christmas pretty much just becomes a time to give kids a bunch of crap they probably don’t need. So once you’re done thoroughly spoiling them this holiday season, it’s time to teach the little buggers a lesson.  Now, hurting a kid is not as easy as you might think. Much like blinding a puppy, it takes a bit of planning and preparation.

THINGS NEEDED:
-A kid
-A sharp stick
-A book on psychological torture
-A comfortable chair
-An array of delicious snacks and cakes

METHOD ONE: The Sharp Stick To The Eye

Take a fair amount of time picking the kid which you want to hurt. They could be fat or thin, tall or short. Once selected, Place them in a chair. Take a sharpened stick and proceed to jam it in their eye. Repeat if necessary.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

METHOD TWO: Psychological Damage

Pick a new kid this time. If you don’t know many kids, call a friend or neighbor to assist you. Place the kid in a chair. No matter what they try to do, call them “stupid”. Do this until they bust into tears. Then do it some more. Repeat the process if necessary. In preparation, practice on a doll.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

METHOD THREE: Piano Drop

This time, use the same kid you poked in the eye with a sharp stick. Take this kid outdoors and make the kid stand on a spray-painted X on the ground, next to the side of a cliff. Tell the kid not to move, or else you’ll jam another stick in their eye. On top of the cliff, already waiting for you is a piano. Push the piano over the edge and on to the kid below. If you don’t have a piano, you might want to try a large anvil.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

METHOD FOUR: Pet Torture

This might be a bit tricky; find a kid you has a pet they simply adore. Take the kid and place them in a chair. At the other end of the room, you should have the kid’s adored pet. Take the pet, along with the sharp stick from Method One, and jam the stick in the pet’s eye. Here’s the twist; by hurting the pet, you in turn, will also hurt the kid!

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

METHOD FIVE: Explosives

If the kid from Methods One and Three, has happened to survive the stick in the eye and being crushed by a piano, here’s another sure fire way to hurt them; explosives. Take the kid. Place them in a chair. Light a stick of dynamite. Leave the room. Wait for the dynamite to explode. Reenter the room. Laugh.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

There are an unlimited amount of ways to hurt kids, other than the methods suggested. We suggest you use the previous as a jumping off point. Good luck hurting kids!

(Image source: minimasters.ca)

If there’s one type of person that needs to be shipped off to the Negative Zone, it’s people who dress their dogs up in retarded outfits for the holidays (or ever, really). Not only do they choose the dumbest looking nonsense to strap onto their animal, they think the dog F’ing likes it!

So let us clear something up – he doesn’t f**king like it! He’s a dog. Dogs enjoy things like eating sh*t off the sidewalk and sniffing other dog’s balls, not being dressed to look like a goddamn elf! But since these douchebags aren’t going anywhere, at least we can laugh at their animal’s misery. (Just kidding – dinner at Rimjobs is on us.)

(click thumbnail to view full image)

As you might have guessed, we here at COED love gymnastics. And we also love people f**king up on video. So a video of the “20 Most Painful Moments in Gymnastics” could not be more up our alley. The only thing these failing flippers have going for them is the landing mat.

First of all, this guy has to be the most bored person on the entire planet. Because it looks as though he has nothing better to do than climb into giant balloons. Luckily for you, he’s not very good at it…

The Boston Celtics Got F—’n Drunk Last Night

A Mix Tape of the Most Musically Inept Actors

Nikki Griffin: A New American Smokeshow…

Boston Celtics’ Hooligans Smash Windows For Fun

Awesome Treadmill Ownage

The Life of a College Cocktease…

Songs You Should Never Hear At A Bar

Rihanna and Taylor Swift… mmmm!

They Just Laugh

Note To Self: Don’t Play With Lighter Fluid

The Top Five Defining Albums of My Youth

Why God? Whyyyyyy? [NSFW Ads]

Bacon Flavored Dental Floss

Use My Computer is Back In Action

After 13 innings, the Colorado Rockies take the NL Wild Card from the San Diego Padres. (Yahoo)

Schools the world over ban hugs between students. See? I was right in 7th grade – hugs do get you pregnant! (My Way)

Britney Spears, fresh off losing custody of her kids, shows up at the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills, spending her cash and flashing her ass. I can’t believe I’m starting to like – nay, love – K-Fed. (TMZ)

I can’t possibly expand on this: “Sex in Car: Hooker Mom Snorts Cocaine Off Baby’s Stomach While Breastfeeding.” (Breitbart)

Hillary Clinton’s laugh (dubbed the “Clinton Cackle”) is no laughing matter. (Wonkette)

Garry Kasparov: world chess champion, Russian and…presidential candidate in Russia? (CBS)