Thanks to the wonders of technology, weapons systems have advanced to the stage where there no longer need to be any moving parts. Furthermore, weapons that the general public knows as “futuristic” are considered yesterday’s news to the shadowy, corporate weapons developers. Our ignorance doesn’t take away from the fact that what these companies have released to the public is completely mind-blowing. It really makes you wonder what kinds of killer merchandise they have in the works right now. All we can show you are five of the most high-tech weapons you wouldn’t believe existed but do — they’re after the jump!

There’s no denying it – lasers are totally sweet. I don’t care what they’re doing, they just kick the crap out of any other type of non-laser thing, even shotguns. Take this laser, for instance, which can somehow make what sounds like DJ scratching noises just by tracing crap written on paper. Sh*t yeah, it’s sweet as hell. Frickin’ lasers…

As a man, one of the primary goals of each and every day is keeping fire and sharp objects as far away from my crotch as possible. And at the top of that list of sharp objects is the Doberman Pincher. Unfortunately, when you have an a$$hole dad with a laser pointer, that task becomes infinitely more difficult.