We all love hot chicks. I mean, really – everybody loves a hot chick. But one of the best ways to make a hot chick even better is to prank her. Take this hot blondie, for example. She’s obviously hot, but after her BF puts a fake head in her bed, she gets 10x better. I swear…

As a man, one of the primary goals of each and every day is keeping fire and sharp objects as far away from my crotch as possible. And at the top of that list of sharp objects is the Doberman Pincher. Unfortunately, when you have an a$$hole dad with a laser pointer, that task becomes infinitely more difficult.

We all know that Megan Fox has said some pretty ridiculous things – things that are so absurd, they’ve actually made her less hot (yes, it’s possible). But instead of focusing on the negative (this time), we’ve put together the Megan Fox Sex Soundboard. So now, any time she says something off-putting, just play one of these little clips and you’ll be back in fantasy land in no time. (more…)

Wednesday night, South Park’s new episode tore Kanye West a new one, for being such an arrogant douche. But it looks like the hitmaker has seen the light, having responded to the episode on his blog with surprising self-reflection from someone who’s already announced themself to be the “voice of this generation.” (more…)

Ask and ye shall receive, fellow Internetters.

COED magazine has a penchant for slapping together lists with subjects that tread the ground between the sexist, offensive and the inexcusable. As long as it’s done in bad taste, we are satisfied with the end product. This right here, is no exception.

From the ‘creative’ team that brought you such classics as Hot for Teacher: 18 Sexiest Sex Offenders and The 7 Deadly Sins Omitted by the Catholic Church, COED presents The 13 Sexiest Genocidal Dictators. From sexy Saddam to the Communist cutie Mao – these genocidal dictators are sure to help keep you warm at night…

Sexiest Genocidal Dictators after the jump! Read more >>

Once you’re an adult, Christmas pretty much just becomes a time to give kids a bunch of crap they probably don’t need. So once you’re done thoroughly spoiling them this holiday season, it’s time to teach the little buggers a lesson.  Now, hurting a kid is not as easy as you might think. Much like blinding a puppy, it takes a bit of planning and preparation.

THINGS NEEDED:
-A kid
-A sharp stick
-A book on psychological torture
-A comfortable chair
-An array of delicious snacks and cakes

METHOD ONE: The Sharp Stick To The Eye

Take a fair amount of time picking the kid which you want to hurt. They could be fat or thin, tall or short. Once selected, Place them in a chair. Take a sharpened stick and proceed to jam it in their eye. Repeat if necessary.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

METHOD TWO: Psychological Damage

Pick a new kid this time. If you don’t know many kids, call a friend or neighbor to assist you. Place the kid in a chair. No matter what they try to do, call them “stupid”. Do this until they bust into tears. Then do it some more. Repeat the process if necessary. In preparation, practice on a doll.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

METHOD THREE: Piano Drop

This time, use the same kid you poked in the eye with a sharp stick. Take this kid outdoors and make the kid stand on a spray-painted X on the ground, next to the side of a cliff. Tell the kid not to move, or else you’ll jam another stick in their eye. On top of the cliff, already waiting for you is a piano. Push the piano over the edge and on to the kid below. If you don’t have a piano, you might want to try a large anvil.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

METHOD FOUR: Pet Torture

This might be a bit tricky; find a kid you has a pet they simply adore. Take the kid and place them in a chair. At the other end of the room, you should have the kid’s adored pet. Take the pet, along with the sharp stick from Method One, and jam the stick in the pet’s eye. Here’s the twist; by hurting the pet, you in turn, will also hurt the kid!

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

METHOD FIVE: Explosives

If the kid from Methods One and Three, has happened to survive the stick in the eye and being crushed by a piano, here’s another sure fire way to hurt them; explosives. Take the kid. Place them in a chair. Light a stick of dynamite. Leave the room. Wait for the dynamite to explode. Reenter the room. Laugh.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE HURT A KID!

There are an unlimited amount of ways to hurt kids, other than the methods suggested. We suggest you use the previous as a jumping off point. Good luck hurting kids!

(Image source: minimasters.ca)

Here at COED Magazine, we receive enormous amounts of fan mail every day. Some of it just says how awesome we are, while other letters beg for our help. We may not have all the answers, but we definitely have most of them, so listen up and you might learn a thing or two. The following are answers to a few common questions we have received in the past.

“We got a stripper at our frat tonight, and she accidentally got hit over the head with a tequila bottle. Now she’s unconscious on the floor. What should we do?” – Bruce, ASU

The first thing to do is take back all of those singles that you put in her G-string. She promised you an hour, and if she’s just lying there on the floor then she didn’t deliver.

After you’ve got your refund, wrap some gauze around the wound, and then make sure to wipe her finger prints off anything she’s touched, because we’ve all seen CSI. Carry her to the nearest bus stop and prop her up on the bench. Put a sign on her that says “Bring me home”. A nice homeless man will definitely come by and help her to her place of residence. (more…)

Don’t get us wrong – we really like Rachel Maddow. Her analysis is tempered and even-handed. All in all, she’s a refreshing voice in a grimy mud puddle of political blather. But she has got to do something about her freakin’ wardrobe.

For some poor reason, they’ve decided to box her in a long-necked, wide coat that makes her appear she completely naked under her blazer – and not in a good way. On top of that, it looks as though she has a giant f**king Adam’s apple. We can’t help you with the blazer, but we’ve come up with a few ways she can divert attention from that nugget in her throat. (more…)

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
A: Acne doesn’t come on a boys face until after he’s thirteen.

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up like an altar boy.