On top of looking like a long-term homeless person and mumbling like he forgot to take the sheet of acid out of his pocket, Joaquin Phoenix’s Letterman interview goes so badly it’s hard to watch. In fact, it’s almost hard to believe. Either this guy’s completely lost it, or he’s pulling the biggest stunt since Kaufman’s Tony Clifton. I’m hoping it’s that – because if not, it would seem the damages are irreversable.

In what would seem a moment of incredible shared stupidity, 17 girls at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts made a secret pact to get pregnant, and did. With teachers and administrators confused by the increase in knocked-up students–four times last year’s amount–the girls were doing whoever they could to get a bun in the oven. One of the girls even boned a homeless dude. (more…)

Colin is Cla$$y: Back in 2003 Colin Ferrell got word of a female disc jockey offering $2000 to anybody who can bring him in for an interview. Not so naturally, Ferrell befriended a homeless man named “Stress” and brought him down to the radio station to collect the $2000. Even more unnatural was Colin reuniting with Stress recently, bringing him on a shopping spree, unloading an ATM full of cash and putting a down-payment on an apartment for the guy. (Toronto Sun)

Brit Hits the Skids: After her, uh…lackluster performance at the VMAs Britney Spears’ single “Gimme More” stalls at #85 on the Billboard charts. (TMZ)

Upstanding Citizens Brigade: The Amish community, still shaken after last year’s West Nickel Mines Amish School massacre left five girls dead and five wounded, show compassion and give a large donation to the shooter’s widow. (Philadelphia Enquirer)

Dig It: After his tractor tipped over, pinning him underneath, 83-year old John Cockerham spent four hours digging his way out from certain death – with a pocketknife. (WCPO)

Blindsided: A teenager attempted to mug a 33-year old blind man in a Germany train station. Unfortunately for the teen, the guy was a world-class blind judo wrestler. (Stuff)