Rest easy folks because The Jersey Shore, returns next week on August 4th. I can’t wait to see the further damage they’ve caused to the Italian-American stereotype. I also can’t wait to see the new ‘J-Wow,’ which is exactly why we pulled together this gallery of Jersey Shore chicas. I never knew oompa loompas could be so sexy.

In 2010 we hopefully saw the beginning of the end of the “Jersey” trend. I will never understand what it is about fake tans. I enjoy women with a light golden glow but I will never understand how you could find someone lacquered up in brown paint attractive. The following people took it to the extreme.

Still not sure if your new roommate’s a douchebag? Thanks to our friends from OnlineDating.org we have a guide to spotting bags of douche day and night. Once your eye’s finely trained, send us your dbag story and pics to editor@teamcoed.com.

Douchebags are a lot like herpes: they’re everywhere, and they all possess many common traits, but there are also many different strains of douchebag. It’s important to be able to distinguish the traits of your region’s strain of douchebag so that you have a better idea of what you’re dealing with. That’s why we’ve created this helpful guide to Douchebags of the United States.

As if the morning after wasn’t awkward enough, now you have to worry about running into the girl on campus. Whether it’s crossing the quad, grabbing a sandwich at the deli, or sitting in on the same 2 pm Intro to Psychology class, you do not want to make eye contact with the subject — let alone indulge in a conversation.

• Do women want foreplay?

• Guido life lessons

• Yogi Bear sends mixed messages

• Guess who is drunk…again

• World’s biggest Apple store

• She’s getting naked if she wins

• Life in a mental hospital

It’s one thing to douche outrageously. But when you do it married to the consensus sexiest woman alive, you need fall on a sword or go play in traffic. So, needless to say, you’re on alert, Griffin Guess, better known as Mr. Marissa Miller. Then again, it’s completely natural to hate on a guy when your wife looks like this.

America’s classiest TV show, The Jersey Shore, returns July 29th and we’re on the edge of seats waiting to see if Snooki has officially been declared the world’s first living Oompa Loompa. In order to calm our nerves a little bit we’ve put together a gaggle of gaudy guidettes to remind you just why we’re so excited for the show to return.

The Situation announced that he’s writing a self-help fitness book that will help beer-bellied men across America look just like him. It’s pretty generous considering they’ve already taught us so many life lessons. While we’re eagerly anticipating the book that is sure to change our life, we’re ready to get started now on getting a ripped body. Because it’s not that hard to use weights or even to get a rock-hard body without stepping a foot into a traditional gym.

Since the premiere of MTV’s Jersey Shore Guido coverage has been at an all-time high on the internet. We gave you 64 Gawdy Jersey Shore Guidettes and today Holy Taco announced Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has her own line of Snuggies coming out, well not really. Tonight is Jersey Shore’s “punch” episode and even though MTV has decided to edit out the punch we want to know whether or not you will be tuning in?

Where to begin with Guidos? Since the release of MTV’s Jersey Shore, it’s been tough for me to admit that I was born and bred in the Garden State (even though only one cast member is actually from Jersey). These people are like a cancer on humanity that needs to be ripped out and discarded in a bio-waste facility in Cleveland. Nonetheless, the show is entertaining, if only for their sheer wantonness and clueless stupidity.

This weekend, I found myself with a couple hours to kill so I decided to give MTV’s latest trash tv offering Jersey Shore a go. Like a good trainwreck, I could not look away. This show is either the most awesome thing ever or the end of the civilization as we know it. Regardless, the absurdly obnoxious cast of Guidos and Guidettes are the trashiest, unclassiest housemates to ever hit the airwaves.

• Can You Spot the Fake Tan?

• Laura Vandervoort Red Carpet Hottie

• Kim Kardashian Mouth Taped Shut

• Costume Characters Behaving Badly

• Unbelievable News!

• Family Can’t Afford Moving Truck