I am completely baffled whenever I hear anybody say they find Dane Cook funny. Every time. Without fail. Am I being too critical or are the standards for comedy lower than ever?

What has Cook ever done that’s even remotely funny? He’s a third-rate Adam Sandler man-boy out to please vapid sorority chicks and pre-teen boys who haven’t learned how to use their cocks yet – and I guess that’s funny in itself (at his expense).

Tall-glass of Haterade aside, everybody deserves a second chance, and that’s what Good Luck Chuck is out to prove. Unfortunately for Cook, it fails miserably in every possible way.
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Outside of being the most unfunny comedian of the new millennium – his shtick is one-part enunciating certain words and phrases for cheap laughs and two-parts “cutie-pie” Abercomedy and Fitch – Dane Cook is gay. Really, really, really gay. Don’t let his teaming up with Jessica Alba in Good Luck Chuck fool you: Dane Cook rails dudes.

If his limp, non-comedy wasn’t already an indicator of his fagginess, his new “song” rams his wild boner-for-boys straight up the non-proverbial pooper. Only 12-year-old sissy boys (or people with the stunted taste of a 12-year-old sissy boy) like Dane Cook – no exceptions.

Mitch Hedberg and Bill Hicks are both rolling in their graves.

“When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children?” – Bill Hicks