I’m an equal-opportunity reviewer. Top 40 pop is hardly my favorite kind of music, but gimme (gimme) a well-crafted album of well-produced pop and I”ll find nothing but praise for it.

Britney Spears has seen more resurgences and backlashes than any pop star not named Michael Jackson. From losing custody of her kids to her disembodied performance at the VMAs, Brit has been an overexposed part of pop-culture that we cannot run away from…no matter how hard we try.

So, Blackout: it’s low-energy, manufactured trash. To hate Britney Spears the Person is commonplace and expected; but hating Britney Spears the Artist – “artist” has never sounded so poor – sparks violent criticism from the lowest depths of the music-listening community: teenyboppers. (more…)

Modern-day pirates at large in Somalia and Nigeria. I didn’t know pirates really still existed; my dreams have come true! How about dragons while we’re at it? (MSNBC)

Brit’s hit gets her booked…at the LAPD. (TMZ)

A Hellraiser remake is in the works! It’s the first one since…what the hell is this? How many more Hellraiser movies does one need? (One more is the answer.) (Hollywood Reporter)

Face it: nobody wants to see you wearing PJs in class. Ever. (College Candy)

Chef Ramsay, eat your heart out: wheelchair-bound man killed after serving his wife eggs that were not prepared to her liking. (News24)

Is it just me or does this video look…uh…very low-budget?

And what’s with the awkward stripper pole dance? Notice how zoomed in the camera is – hiding something, director?

Like Britney’s sloppy self, perhaps?

As expected, this is like watching a train wreck right before your very eyes.

Picked this one up via AskMen.com.

“Over the past few months, we’ve all watched Britney Spears experience a decline in her personal life; her dismal performance at Sunday night’s MTV VMA performance suggested that Ms. Spears’ professional pursuits have also suffered.

In this context, it’s easy to forget that there was a time when Britney was every man’s fantasy… that this is the same woman who, in June of 2000, was offered millions of dollars in exchange for her virginity.”

“So now you remember that Britney was once hot. But when was she at her hottest? Or is that time yet to come? We’ve thrown together a few musical moments to help jog your memory.”

See the videos after the jump!… (more…)

The blog-universe has been giving the seal of approval to Britney’s leaked songs since early this week – have I been listening to the wrong ones?

These tracks are complete tripe. There is no way somebody with working eardrums can possibly give a “thumbs-upâ€? to Brit’s latest batch of bimbo-pop.

Even hipsters looking for their next bastion of irony will be thoroughly disappointed.

The three songs – “Gimme More,â€? “Cold as Fire,â€? “Baby Boyâ€? – each have flat, lifeless production left over from the last millennium. This major mistake could’ve been easily remedied with the right collaborators (hint, hint).

Check out Britney Spears’ new tracks after the jump.

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