gary-busey : COED Magazine

batman

After the amazingness that was this year’s The Dark Night, movie nerds the world over are awaiting director Chris Nolan’s inevitable followup. Since the movie made a pile of money, was a critical darling and even generated posthumous Oscar buzz for Heath Ledger, you can bet your ass they’re making a third Batman. The only question is… when?

Nolan hasn’t even signed on to make part three yet, mostly because he’s a perfectionist and is busy making sure the plot will be air tight before anything official happens. Good for him. But what are all the overly-anxious fanboys supposed to do in the meantime? Apparently, just make a bunch of stuff up.

Rumors have been swirling around new Batman castings, from Johnny Depp and/or Eddie Murphy playing the Riddler to Shia LaBeouf playing Robin to Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the Penguin to Rachel Weisz as Catwoman. But since the movie isn’t even officially happening yet, can you guess how many of those lies rumors are true?

Since all it takes to circulate a Batman casting rumor is a hope and a dream and a website, we’d like to go ahead and officially announce the latest casting announcements for Batman 3 (which, by the way, has officially been titled Batman: Again).

Zac Effron as Robin
Oh, you didn’t hear? The third Batman is actually going to be a musical. Ten-year-old girls and their moms rejoice! Since America will be in a full fledged Great Depression once this movie sees the light of day, studio execs are looking to the last Great Depression for inspiration. Turns out that when people are down on their luck, nothing lifts their spirits like song and dance. Expect Effron’s casting to anger the Comic-Con crowd at first, but then expect them to get over it when they find out it will equal ten-year-old girls in the audience.

Megan Fox as Batgirl
Hey Hollywood, here’s some free advice: If you want people to see your movie, put Megan Fox in it. It doesn’t matter if she can’t sing or dance or act, just make her look under the hood of a car once every fifteen minutes and your film will make lots money.

Gary Busey as The Riddler
Busey doesn’t have to act like the Riddler, he LIVES the Riddler. Have you seen his guest spots on Entourage? The man is a walking enigma! He is a snake eating its own tail, except with legs and riddle telling abilities. Multiply that by spandex and then divide it by him having to remain sober for a few months — the movie might suffer, but the reality TV show will be Nielsen’s catnip.

Meryl Streep as Catwoman
Well someone has to generate Oscar buzz in a Batman movie, and unfortunately the Academy only recognizes traditional acting talent, and not the new, more real talent that someone like Megan Fox brings to a project. Plus, rumor has it there’s a Catwoman Riddler sex scene in the works, so that should be good times.