If you’re like me, Christmas sneaks up on you like a ninja. And when Christmas day comes along, you’re stuck looking like the family asshole. So to get out of the dog house this year, here are nine fool-proof excuses for not having any gifts from you under the tree.

Before leaving the stage for another of her show’s many wardrobe changes, Britney Spears accidentally announces to her giant crowd in Tampa, Florida that her “pu**y is hanging out.” Guess somebody forgot to turn off the mic. Then again, we’re talking about Britney Spears here – this kind of thing just goes with the territory.