Poor Tom Cruise. The man wants to be known as an actor! Not some crazy, couch jumping, psychiatrist hating cult nut. And with last week’s announcement that he’d been nominated for a Golden Globe award for his awesome cameo in Tropic Thunder, it looked like he might have finally started to turn the page on the past few years of horrible/weird publicity and do just that, re-become an actor.

Well, don’t count on it. If you believe the Germans, his turn as Claus Count Schenk von Stauffenberg (AKA the guy who unsuccessfully tried to assassinate Hitler) in the upcoming Valkyrie is completely and utterly horrible. The worst performance in the history of worst performances. According to Berlin paper Der Tagesspiegel, “his image as an actor has been finally ruined by Valkyrie.” Bummer.

In fairness to Cruise, the Germans may be slightly biased. Not because they hate him any more than most nations, but because von Stauffenberg is probably their greatest modern day war hero, and Tom Cruise is a height challenged American action hero who believes in aliens. Imagine having to watch Roberto Benigni star in Saving Private Ryan instead of Tom Hanks and you kind of get the picture.

In 1999, a phenomenal event occurred that forever changed the way people look at pastry: American Pie debuted in movie theaters.

American Pie is the story of a group of friends consisting of awkward Jim (Jason Biggs), Oz the jock (Chris Kline), Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) in a serious relationship with Tara Reid, the sly Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas), and resident asshole Stifler (Sean William Scott). The boys are in their senior year of high school and have embarked on a quest to get laid before prom night. Hilarious hijinks accompany their pursuit.

Along the way we meet many characters: the sexy foreign exchange student Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) who prompts Jim to blow his load a little early in front of a live audience on the internet; Stifler’s hot mom, who becomes Finch’s conquest; Michelle (Alyson Hannigan), who becomes Jim’s girlfriend and sticks her flute where the sun doesn’t shine; and in my opinion the one who steals the show, Eugene Levy as Jim’s Dad who buys him pornography and catches him doing a pie.
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