A major problem for some is the lack of fist fights in their everyday life. This should not be a problem which one should be cursed with. That’s why we like to show how one can get in more fights in everyday life!

THINGS NEEDED:
-1 Attitude
-Fists
-Mouthing-Off Ability
-Swear Words of Various Varieties

STEP ONE: Bars
Bars are a great place to both start and have a fight. It’s a virtual breeding ground of this type of activity. the key ingredients you have working for you in this scenario is; the consumption of booze and the frustration some have trying to pick up women. These two aspects are your friends and allies in trying to get into a fight.

A subtle approach would be walking up to the biggest guy in the bar and knocking his drink directly out of his hand. When the glass hits the ground, stare at him and laugh. Even say something like, “I guess REAL men can keep a grip on their drinks, without dropping it on the ground like a little eight-year-old schoolgirl in a pink, frilly dress at an Easter Sunday pik-nik.” If he doesn’t understand what you’re saying, keep repeating it until he does. The punches should fly within minutes and you will have completed your fighting-task.

STEP TWO: The Switch-A-Roo!
Here’s where pure cunning comes in. When the biggest guy in the bar walks by you, act like he pushed into you and spill part of your drink. Then say to him, “Did you spill my drink?!” When he says “No,” look him directly in the eye and say, “Are you calling me a liar!” Let an argument perpetuate until the fist fly through the air with the greatest of ease.

STEP THREE: Bouncers
Bouncers are some of the dumbest people on the entire planet. Many take pure delight in their role, and love being “mad with power” and copping an attitude to all who are non-bouncers. Use that fact fully to your advantage!
Show up to a bar or club without your ID. When questioned on it’s location, do not divulge any information, and proceed into the club.

When stopped say, “I guess REAL men don’t care about people’s IDs, and don’t get their little cotton panties in a bundle like a little eight-year-old schoolgirl in a pink, frilly dress at an Easter Sunday pik-nik!” The next thing you know; a punch will be thrown at your head!

STEP FOUR: Lesbians
The next time their is a lesbian/feminist function in your area, walk in wearing a “Sex Instructor-First Lesson Free” T-shirt, and scream, “Hey ladies, I’ve come to give you 12 inches of my love! Which one of you little ladies is first? Make an orderly line for my love machine!” Request that the first lucky taker gets to make you breakfast in bed!

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE READY TO GET IN A FIGHT!

(Image: Flickr User Luiz Machado)

With the recession coming home to roost on Wall Street, New York’s about to get dangerous again. In fact, someone was just robbed in my apartment building last week - something that hasn’t happend in seven years of living in this neighborhood. So it’s probably a good time to learn to defend myself properly. But instead of learning an entire fighting style, I think I’m just going to learn this…

SpikeTV and the UFC team up once again to bring a free night of live fights! The Ultimate Fight Night series can sometimes be lackluster. It’s often used to showcase up and coming talent in the UFC that isn’t quite ready for a big pay-per-view. While these card certainly showcased up and comers, ‘lackluster’ is not how COED would describe it.

The entire card showed why the UFC is indeed the premiere MMA organization on the planet at the moment. Smart matchmaking and a complete swelling of talent made this one of the best free fight cards that Spike has ever aired.

The card was headlined by a lightweight bout between the always tough Josh Neer and the ridiculously entertaining Nate Diaz. One half of the legendary Diaz brothers, Nate, the younger brother of Nick, trains at the same camp, boxes the same way, and sports the same slick submission game as his brother. The only difference (they even look alike) is that Nate seems angrier. He ended his last fight flipping the double-bird salute to the audience as he had his opponent caught in a triangle. Read more

Craziness! It seems that the lawyer’s from the UFC finally submitted Randy Couture and Mark Cuban in the battle to decide where the now-45-year-old cage veteran will be allowed to fight. People in Las Vegas have been whispering for some time that UFC President Dana White and Randy had begun to renegotiate on more personal (read: no lawyers) terms–and it turns out the rumors are true! Read more

A new month and a new UFC card. Taking place on Saturday, September 6^th at the Philips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia, UFC 88 lacks any title fights, but does include a few bouts that have title implications. Here is an overview of the card.

Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell vs. “Sugar” Rashad Evans

The return of the king. Or rather, former king. Chuck Liddell makes his first appearance in the Octagon since his ridiculously exciting bout versus Wanderlei Silva in 2007.

This fight was supposed to take place in June but Chuck injured his hamstring, and despite his insistence that he could fight (Chuck had never pulled himself from a card before) Dana White pulled the plug. A smart decision, considering Rashad is no pushover.

Evans is a TUF winner and currently undefeated in the UFC (one draw, versus Tito Ortiz). This is a classic wrestler vs. striker match-up, and while we definitely believe that Rashad is a prospect at 205, COED is taking Liddell in this one.

Chuck might be getting older, but he showed in his fight against Silva that he’s still hungry and can play an intelligent game. The one thing that hasn’t declined for Chuck is his sprawl. More so than his knockout power, The Iceman’s ability to stay on his feet is truly legendary. If Rashad wants to win, he’ll have to shoot and scoop. Unfortunately, Chuck won’t let this happen and will catch Rashad multiple times as he comes in for the take down.

COED Pick : Chuck Liddell by TKO. Read more

After wrecking some sh*t in his giant truck, getting arrested, then bailed out (by Dana White), claiming that he was God and being admitted to a hospital for observation, former UFC Light Heavyweight Champ Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson is apparently back to what equates to normal.

He was seen walking around Minneapolis during the pre-fight preparations for UFC 87, accompanied by Dana White, and he spoke at a press conference for the event.

Apparently Dana is Quinton’s new security, at least until the UFC can be sure that he’s not the crazy dude he was acting like a few weeks ago. Jackson can be seen in several of Dana White’s UFC 87 video blogs.

Everyone at COED is pleased to hear that ‘Page is healthy both mentally and physically, but his time in the spotlight of bad fortune may not be over just yet. Apparently when Rampage went on his, well, rampage, he may or may not have caused the miscarriage of a Huntington Beach, CA resident’s unborn child. (Whoops!) Read more

John Fitch is ridiculously tough. Before fighting GSP at the Target Center, he was tied with Royce Gracie for the most consecutive wins in the UFC. Unfortunately, being tough and gritty alone doesn’t make you a champion.

Fitch fought valiantly for five rounds against what is arguably the greatest athlete in all of MMA and one of the most dynamic fighters of all time, Georges St. Pierre. Pierre proved to be faster, stronger, and more technically skilled then the American Kickboxing Academy member and beat him standing and on the ground.

Early in the first round the Champ almost had the challenger finished, checking a kick with a vicious right hand that crumpled Fitch. The following ground and pound attack was furious, but not enough to put away the stalwart Fitch. Save a short rally in the second round, the remainder of the fight was owned by the Canadian, who took his opponent down at will and landed with crisp strikes while standing. After the fight, BJ Penn jumped into the cage in an attempt to hype a match up between the two. Here’s hoping. Read more

Robbie Lawler and Scott Smith met for the second time in less then two months on Saturday, July 26. The event, called ‘Unfinished Business,’ CBS’ second MMA telecast, featured the two competitors as the main event, after their first attempt to decide the fate of the EliteXC Middleweight title was stopped do to an accidental eye poke. They did not disappoint.

Both men came to fight, and both showed a decent aptitude for changing their game plans to be more effective in the stand-up game. Lawler refused to be bullied by Smith but did respect his power, swimming inside and using short uppercuts, hooks, and knees to the body to keep Smith guessing. Scott ‘Hands Of Steel’ Smith stuck to his same explosive style but picked his shots in intelligent fashion and kept the pace, refusing to empty the gas tank unless he really needed to.

Smith had Lawler rocked several times, wobbling him in the first round and almost stopping the fight. Robbie endured the punishment, survived to the second, and employed a very effective Thai Clinch, pulling Smith’s head towards the mat and landing knees that eventually finished the fight. A great fight, explosive and exciting. I’m not sure who’s really left for Lawler in EliteXC. Read more

Tonight at 9pm [EST], EliteXC and CBS will team up again to present their second offering of MMA on basic cable to the fans. While this card lacks the big eyeball magnet names like Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano, it does have some very exciting fights, including 2 with title implications.

Robbie Lawler v. Scott Smith, Second Go-Around

Those who watched the first CBS card will remember their first fight. A stand-up war where we saw both men give as much punishment as they took. Smith was the underdog, and for sure was losing (on points) in their first meeting, but we never got to see the end thanks to an accidental eye poke from Lawler that led to the doctor stopping the fight early. Well, now we get to see them go at again. Look for the Champ (Lawler) to play the same game he did last time, spend a round or two feeling Smith out, avoiding the power and picking his openings carefully. The competitiveness of this fight lies in the hands of Scott Smith. If he does as he usually does, he’ll probably punch himself out by the middle of round two and then start dropping his hands. Perhaps having already fought this fight once will lead him to a more tactical approach.
Prediction: Lawler by TKO. Read more

My favorite sport can kick your favorite sport’s ass…literally. MMA has been exploding over the past couple of years—merchandise, reality shows, pay-per-views—and in my opinion it’s the best sport on Earth. Here are some reasons why:

10) Post-fight interviews with Joe Rogan

Interviewing an athlete after a major win or loss can be difficult at the best of times; just look at KG’s interviews after the Celtics won the NBA title this year. But interviewing a fighter after he got his ass kicked is damn near impossible. The UFC insists on doing interviews in the ring immediately following fights. They send Joe Rogan into the cage to ask fighters how they feel and to tell everyone how the fight went down. Replays are shown on the Jumbotron so fighters can give play by plays, but what usually happens is a jumbled mess. A lot of fighters don’t speak English well, or at all, and can barely hear/understand Rogan over the crowd. Other fighters simply watch the replay and make no comments, or say things like, “Yeah I kicked his ass!”, and others are so happy they just talk about being happy, not the fight. Needless to say, it’s hilarious watching Rogan try to make that mess into something viewers are actually interested in. Read more

Having grown up in a fairly ghetto part of Chicago and being a 6′3, 245 lb black guy, I always feel like I have the “intimidation factor” in a fight. I honestly and truly believed that, until I got my ass kicked today by a 5′6, 150 lb little white Israeli guy.

Yael, an officer in the Isaeli Army, beat me mercilessly using the technique of Krav Maga. In this part of my schooling at Anapolis we are learning different kinds of fighting techniques and styles, and I already have a strong history in Tae Kwon Do and Karate. A reasonable person would think that this knowledge would give me an advantage.

That reasonable person would actually be out of his motherfu**ing mind.

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When it comes to martial-arts, womanizing, full-splits and sweet dance moves, not many can go toe-to-toe with Jean Claude Van Damme, “The Muscles from Brussels.”

Born in Belgium, JCVD spent the earlier years of his life lifting weights and kicking ass, earning a black belt in karate before most kids get their first boner.

After much ass-kicking he took up ballet, nailed it, then resumed to more ass-kicking, albeit more elegantly. By 19 JCVD was fightin’ dudes all over Europe, winning Full-Contact Championship titles and tallying up a professional record of 13-1.

Then came the martial-arts/action movies, international stardom, scandals, parodies, budget films and televised boners.

Check out JCVD fun facts, video clips and a “questionable” photo gallery after the jump.

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