It’s Wednesday afternoon, and I feel like climbing back into bed, pulling up the covers and sleeping for as long as life will let me. But I can’t. Like most of you, I’m at work, sitting in front a computer, clicking away the hours, with heavy eyes and a case of mild irritability. So to beat away this everyday fatigue, I’ve decided to try 5-hour Energy for the first time.

To add some context: I rarely drink soda and only occasionally drink coffee or energy drinks – the caffeine is often too much for me to handle, sending my heart racing, which in turn makes me feel like my life is falling apart for no reason. Now, as I peel off the red protective plastic, I’m hoping that won’t happen. From what I’ve heard it’s everything from completely useless to the perfect pick-me-up. We shall see…

2:45 PM: Opening the tiny “lemon-lime” flavored liquid. The damn thing was expensive – should be called “5-dollar Energy”…

2:45 PM: It tastes like a weird combination of artificial sweetener and the smell of Resolve carpet cleaner – oh right, I mean “lemon-lime”.

2:46 PM: The label is telling me to “drink one half (1/2) bottle for moderate energy” or “one whole bottle for maximum energy.” I’m worried about feeling like a freak with too much caffeine, but who wants “moderate energy”? F**k it, I’m downing the whole thing.

2:47 PM: Done. Supposedly I’ll “Feel it in minutes.” The timer starts now.

2:51 PM: This is funny.

2:53 PM: Hmmmm, I think I am actually feeling a bit peppier. My head feels a little less like it’s jam-packed with cotton, but my eyes are still wanting to close more than normal.

3:03 PM: To be honest, I’m not really used to paying this much attention to my body. Usually it’s just, “Am I awake? Yes. Am I drunk? A little. Ok, cool.” Doing this makes me feel like a vegan or some other such nonsense… (more…)

Sex sells…energy drinks.

Playboy is planning to go head-to-head with Red Bull and other energy drinks with their own special blend, appropriately titled Playboy Energy Drink.

From the press release:

“Playboy and Play Beverages LLC are thrilled to announce the launch of the ultra-sexy, incredibly invigorating Playboy Energy Drink. With subtle notes of fruit and vanilla, this proprietary formula contains ginseng root, guarana extract and damiana leaf, ingredients that are believed to stimulate energy levels. Available in two varieties, regular and sugar-free, Playboy Energy is now available in the Boston area and will roll out to Miami, Las Vegas and Los Angeles this March.”

I am also thrilled, although I’m pretty sure “subtle notes of fruit and vanilla” means stripper-approved baby powder, whorish perfume and loads of…regret.

Where other energy drinks barely deliver what they advertise – giving you a quick rush accompanied by a feeling of spacey-ness and lack of concentration – E-Boost picks you up while providing the B12 necessary to boost your mental alertness and immunity levels.

I’ve never been a coffee drinker and energy drinks are either too surgery, giving me a pounding headache or taste like ass but E-Boost tastes great (very similar to orange-flavored Gatorade or Tang!).

I never realized how unproductive I am between 11:30AM and my 2PM lunch break until I threw down a packet of E-Boost. It allowed me to properly organize the day’s tasks and start knocking them off from top to bottom. I was a first time user that got hooked right away. (more…)