Following the Swine flu epidemic on TV is pretty intense. Way better than Bird Flu, and a contender with the economic recession. Today, I saw a couple people on the New York City streets sporting surgical masks. If this trend continues soon New York is going to look like Mexico. I didn’t want to be left out.

It took me an hour and seven pharmacies to locate a surgical mask. Every single store was sold out. The only reason I obtained one was because a pharmacist gracious gave one of hers. It wasn’t really until then I realized the severity of the Swine Flu. Or, at least, the portrayed severity, seeing as how this outbreak is quite similar to a regular flu season.  But still, I rushed home to try on my new contraption, which looks much like a 1930s maxipad. (more…)

Making an ass of yourself because you’re on a reality show is one thing. But passing out while reporting the news is something else entirely – which is exactly what this dude does while trying to explain this whole bailout mess on Fox News. Either the economy is so bad, this guy just couldn’t take it, or nobody told him not to lock his knees. Regardless, it’s F’ing hilarious.

As you might have heard, women who would have ordinarily never set foot in a strip club are now taking to the pole in never before seen numbers, as the failing economy makes finding work that doesn’t require degrading yourself to drunken fools more and more difficult. For you guys, that means your otherwise perfect girlfriends may now be having to do some very, um, questionable activities, just to pay her half of the rent. And stripping isn’t the only one. Here are the 10 Sexiest Recession-era Jobs You Don’t Want Your Girlfriend to Have. (more…)

Aah vacationing! Traveling to exotic lands, seeing stuff, meeting locals. Just plain “getting away from it all”. But there’s one drawback. Vacationing can be expensive. This is not practical to those who are broke. Then what?!

Or maybe some of you suffer from agoraphobia (fear of the marketplace), and are unable to leave your home. What then?!! Not to mention the fear of flying and of course all those billions and billions of germs. Then what, then??!!

This is why I suggest vacationing in your very own city. Yes, be a complete tourist in the very place you spend your everyday life. All you need to do is look at your community with a fresh new perspective Here’s what you do:

STEP ONE: Change your apartment into a low budget European hotel.

You might think your apartment’s a dump. But, with a little work, it can have all the standards of a low-budget, foreign hotel. For starters, place a week’s worth of clothes in a suitcase, and select only from these outfits. Then, use only the cold water shower knob, enabling you to pretend that all the hot water is used up. Just like in Europe!

Replace your soap with really tiny, little soap. Make your bed and put a large, strange hair on the sheets. Place a small piece of candy on your pillow when you’re done. Pretend your creepy roommate is the shady hotel caretaker, who must avoid at all costs, or else they’ll rap you up in some inane conversation about nothing. Before going out, rummage through your belongs, giving the impression that the housekeeping staff has been searching your stuff. Set a list of standards, then rate your apartment on 1-4 star system. Have a guest book, where you can comment on your stay at your apartment.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’RE ON VACATION!

STEP TWO: Act like a complete moron.

Go up to complete strangers on the street and ask them for directions to the largest tourist attractions in your town. For example, in San Francisco, I’d ask; “Where can I find the Cable Cars?” whilst standing about 20 feet away from a Cable Car. Also, carry a large map, open it, and start reading in the middle of crosswalks, whilst holding up traffic. Or better yet, on sidewalks, standing directly in the path of local pedestrians.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’RE ON VACATION!

STEP THREE: Pay too much for things.

Buy a T-shirt and hat adorning your city’s name. Then walk around town with a broad smile. Get excited when seeing people in matching shirts and ask them where they’re from.

Then, sojourn to the most densely populated tourist center. Then proceed to buy something that cost four times it would normally else where.

Example:

BIG CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE
Mission District, San Francisco……………………$00.50-$1.00
BIG CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE
Fisherman’s Wharf……………………………………….$4.00

Also, have a caricature drawn of yourself, then lose it later on in the day.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’RE ON VACATION!

STEP FOUR: Take daft photos.

Take a lot of photos of everyday things, such as; fire hydrants, Pepsi machines and buses. In a few pictures, place your finger partially in front of the lens. Have your picture taken with taxi drivers, restaurant workers, and people who work at museums. To the daily inhabitant, these cultural artifacts might seem mundane. But to you, the vacationer, they will be seen with rejuvenated enthusiasm. Ask a complete stranger to click your snapshot. Accidentally lose one of your roles of film. Send yourself a postcard, describing what you’ve seen. End the postcard by saying, “having fun. Wish you were here!”

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’RE ON VACATION!

STEP FIVE: Get lost!

Get on a form of public transportation, but set out in the opposite direction of the place you intend to visit. Once at the opposite end of town, get out and ask people where you can find the intended tourist attraction. Have them explain the correct route four times or more.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’RE ON VACATION!

With trailers popping up for his new movie The Day the Earth Stood Still pending release on December 12, we are reminded that in the movies Keanu Reeves is the answer. And at the same time, all over the news and in the media, Barack Obama is being touted as the new Keanu Reeves, capable of solving all our problems with some fantastical superpower. But please heed this warning: Barack Obama is not Keanu Reeves. This world is not the Matrix, or The Day… and Barack is not Neo or Klatuu. (more…)

The Great Depression vs The New Depression

Sarah Palin Is a Weirdo

Top 10 “Top 10 Hottest” Chicks Lists

Jessica Simpson Has Skills

Nipple-tastic Anna Paquin Videos

Holly Madison’s Looking Good and Busty

9,000 Honeys, Not Many Clothes

Tampa Bay Rays vs “The Cleveland Indians” Who you got?

Kristen Bell Looks Good In Gold

Steal This Comic

Don’t Believe the Drug Czar

Mariska Hargitay Has Something to Show You

It is very easy to get confused when someone explains the US Tax system, but my buddy sent this e-mail chain message that breaks it down by relating the system to something we all understand very well – splitting the beer tab.

After the jump, check out U.S. Tax System Explained in Beer! (more…)

With the passing of Rosh Hashanah, this weekend officially kicked off the Year of the Fox… Megan Fox.  Her new movie How to Lose Friends and Alienate People opened Friday and a slew of upcoming foxy features are set to hit the big screen in the coming months.  But we don’t really need an excuse to post pics of Megan wearing a bra now, do we?

(click photo to see full gallery)

Friday, October 3rd 2008

The Female Casualties of 2008

Hollywood’s hottest are dropping faster than one-legged man in a backflip contest. As FHM says, “the world’s hottest women are getting married, having babies or committing similarly selfish acts at an alarming rate.”

Let’s sit back and re-live the glory days of these hotties by heading to FHM and soaking in pictures from an time before they went off the deep-end.

Why They Yankees Are the Red Sox’s B*tches

Since the end of 2003, the Red Sox have won two World Series championships, while the Yankees haven’t even made a return trip. We all know about the 2004 Red Sox and their triumph over the Yanks, coming back in the ALCS after being down three-games to one. However, what is interesting to look at how things have changed since 2003 as a direct result of how the Red Sox talent evaluators have fared much better head to head against the once-mighty Yanks.

Who Is Joe Six Pack, Anyway?

If you watched the VP debate last night you heard a lot about Sarah Palin’s BFF, Joe Six Pack. But who is he? What does he like? What does he do?We don’t know Joe Six Pack personally (though we have hooked up with his cousin, Mark Quarter Barrel…who could not keep it up), but we imagine he’d be something like this.

How To Visit a Sex Shop

If you haven’t already gone, you have to visit a sex shop. They are full of interesting toys, books, and movies. You’re in college to learn and sex should be part of your education. One wants to know how to do it well, and the resources found at sex shops can help you achieve top performance in the bedroom. Think of sex shops as the sex educational library, except these books and movies you can’t return, but who would want to do that?

Thursday, October 2nd 2008

Celebrities Stoners Caught on Camera

I was surfing the new today and ran across a story on City Rag called Pot Break that features images of celebrities and common folk like you and I getting stoned in NYC.

It reminded me of a COED story from way back when called 13 Celebrity Stoners Caught on Camera.

NFL vs NCAA: Football Cheerleader Showdown

Ladies and gentlemen, we are full-on into football season and you know what the means – lots of sitting on the couch. But besides hours and hours of watch the greatest game ever created, it means tons of super hot cheerleaders prancing around just to get you in the mood.

Halloween is Dogsh*t: One Dude’s Bitter Rant

I hate Halloween. I have always hated Halloween. One of the first pictures anyone ever took of me is in a pumpkin costume at age 4, crying my eyes out. I don’t hate other people who like Halloween, but the holiday itself makes me so pissed that when prompted to write a Halloween article I refused to write a positive one.

So if you want to hear about why Halloween rocks you should go somewhere else because I f*cking hate it and I’m about to make you hate it too by listing some reasons why it’s terrible and should be canceled.

Wednesday, October 1st 2008

MLB Playoff Preview: Hot Fans Edition

As October rolls in so too do the MLB Playoffs. After 162 games 8 teams remain for a chance to make it to the World Series. Below are the divisional series which begin today. But as always, just sports isn’t enough, so we’ve put together a ton of hot fans to help guide you through the action. Because, really, if you’ve got sports and babes, what else do you really need?

How This Financial Mess Got Started

At COED we’re not only about boobs and beer – we also like to educate. Sometimes…

By now you’ve all heard about the financial crisis gripping America Earth, but most of us aren’t high finance majors – so you might be in the dark about what is going on and how it started. This is highly important information people – time to get in the know!

5 Things Rachel Maddow Should Consider to Conceal Her Adam’s Apple

Don’t get us wrong – we really like Rachel Maddow. Her analysis is tempered and even-handed. All in all, she’s a refreshing voice in a grimy mud puddle of political blather. But she has got to do something about her freakin’ wardrobe.

For some poor reason, they’ve decided to box her in a long-necked, wide coat that makes her appear she completely naked under her blazer – and not in a good way. On top of that, it looks as though she has a giant f**king Adam’s apple. We can’t help you with the blazer, but we’ve come up with a few ways she can divert attention from that nugget in her throat.

Tuesday, September 30th 2008

Top 10 Hot Ass Hollywood Jews

If you’re on a mission to find the world’s hottest Jewish girls (why wouldn’t you be?), there’s no better place to look than Hollywood, USA. So to get in on the Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) festivities, we’ve put together the sexiest Chosen Ones this side of Tel Aviv.

Top 10 3AM Infomercial Products That Don’t Suck

Infomercials are typically a point of humor for the drunk, high and insomnia-prone. You stumble home from the bar or party at 4am, turn on the TV and laugh at how excited people are over solutions for modern living. But what about the products they sell on infomercials that might actually be worth writing down that impossibly long 800 number.

Farren from Boston is Today’s Daily Snapshot

We know exactly two things about this girl – Jack and sh*t and Jack just left town. But since Farren is one of the hottest Daily Smokeshows ever featured on Barstool Sports, we couldn’t help make her our Snapshot. I’m sure you don’t mind at all.

Monday, September 29th 2008

The Week In Re-Boob: Sept. 22nd – 28th

Welp, it’s Monday, again, and you know what that means! Another Week In Re-Boob! We’ve got all the hottest galleries the interweb has to offer. So don’t worry if you missed any of last week’s skintastic sexiness, we’ve got you completely covered. You might want to take a deep breath before diving into this one.

Bye Bye Bunnies: Hefner Facing Possible Bankruptcy

Is God just f**king with us today or something? First the economy takes the express elevator down the sh*tter and now we hear that Playboy may be heading down the tubes. Apparently Hef has been given two options by the Playboy top brass: Let some bunnies go or let them all go.

Austin City Limits Music Festival Girls

If you didn’t get a chance to hit up the Austin City Limits Music Festival this past weekend, then you definitely missed out on some of the best shows this year – and a ton of super hot festival chicks running around in bikinis. Luckily for us all, COED had an all-access pass to the action and we were sober enough to remember to bring a camera. So even if you missed the event, its greatness will be preserved here forever.

Happy 21st Birthday Hilary Duff!

For Hollywood stars, underage drinking is a non-issue. It is confirmed by family members that Britney was blowing lines of coke at 16, so I’m willing to bet the farm that even though Hilary Duff had her 21st birthday over the weekend, she probably had her first beer years ago.

To begin, it doesn’t matter how we got where we are. I really don’t care how often Obama wants to talk about who is to blame, but we are here now, we are screwed and we have to get out. YES, we know, McCain was not voted Miss Congeniality…we heard. And yes, no one really knows how to pronounce Ahmadinejad – we got it.

The sad part is, we sat around COED office drinking and watching the debate – and when it was done, we started talking and it was quite obvious that we were all watching different debates.

(more…)

Note to self: If I’m ever running for President of the United States, don’t bail on David Letterman. Not only will he dog on you the whole time, he’ll replace you with your nemesis.