We are all uniquely and individually disgusting. This was brought to my attention on a recent trip to the drug store, when I discovered, en route to the candy aisle from the shampoo aisle, that there are a lot of really disturbing products out there. So I decided to go back to see what else I could find. Turns out there was a lot of stuff to work with — mostly found on bottom shelves, out of view of the average consumer (but fully in view of little kids, ironically). Only one rule: I’m keeping this list free of “old people” products, of which there are understandably quite a lot. Making fun of the Depends-wearing elderly feels akin to setting a puppy on fire. (more…)

My editor, Steve G, recently requested that I finish the top 10 fears that men have from my recent survey, with a few additional comments about them.

Coming in at number FIVE is diarrhea which I am currently suffering from. I am literally peeing out of my asshole. I know a lot of guys say that when they have diarrhea but I am actually peeing out of my asshole, it is a clear liquid coming out of asshole every fifteen minutes. I am glad I am not the only one that is scared of this because it is quite frightening and there is clearly something seriously wrong with me but I have no health insurance, so tough luck.

The SIXTH fear of men is Tom Cruise getting more roles now that he bought United Artists. (more…)