Wow, guys, it’s amazing! Michael Jackson’s alive!… in the body of a white guy. I know, I know, he’s not quite the dancer that Michael once was. But that’s to be expected. See, this is an actual white guy, with with guy dancing skills, whereas before Micheal Jackson’s death (and reincarnation), he just looked like a white dude, but danced with the feet of a black guy. Still, this Michael dances his ass off at the bus stop like it’s nobody’s business.

Damnit, white people! What the hell is wrong with you? Every time you go to a concert or festival, you go and f**k it up for all the other white people that might actually understand what dancing is by tapping on your leg or wallowing around on the ground like a TASER victim. All I have to say is, these guys better be on drugs, or they should really be ashamed of themselves.

After attending the Lollapalooza festival in Chicago this weekend, we became acutely aware of a sad fact: white people should not dance at festivals. Period. Maybe it’s the drugs, maybe it’s just the whiteness, but there’s just something sad about seeing people make fools of themselves in public. Just take a gander at these 10 flailing festival-a**clowns, and you’ll see exactly what we’re talking about. (more…)

Kids, this is what happens when you do too many drugs. You end up in the street, spastically dancing like a maniac for strangers who throw coins at you and put your dumbass up on YouTube. Either that, or Japanese people are just more strange than I already thought.

You know, most of the time, I think that dudes only want to dance or know how to dance for the sole purpose of enhancing their girl-pick-up game. But now I’m not so sure – because this Air Force Academy student seems to like dancing so much, he’s hiding it like an addiction. Until now…

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Dear Squinty-Eyed Pig Face Girl,

We haven’t known each other long, in fact we may never see each other again, but I feel the need to give you a little warning. I know you’re young and having fun, but a few of the things you do make you seem a little desperate, and that might get you a bad reputation.

I met you last night at the hot tub in our apartment complex, and I’m pretty sure you don’t remember very much of what happened there. Your face was abnormally small and took up a much smaller percentage of your head than a normal person’s. And as much as that scared me, it wasn’t the worst thing about you.

My roommates and I were relaxing after the bar, drinking a few beers and having a enjoying a soak– and then you showed up. (more…)

So you booked a $225 plane ticket to Europe with ZoomAir, obtained your passport, read our guide on how to avoid health problems abroad and now there is one thing left to do–get wasted, see some culture, get wasted, hook up with a broad abroad (23% of women in Europe deliberately binge on alcohol and drugs to improve their sex lives), get wasted and do it on the cheap.

Hostels are very hit or miss–and your overnight experince will dictate whether you leave your trip abroad with memories of greatness or haunted dreams. (more…)

For those of you who have not seen this classic, enjoy: