Santa Clause Drowns: No Ice At North Pole This Summer!

jow09.jpg

Prepare for your mind to be blown: Scientist predict that there will be no ice at the North Pole this summer, the most dramatic evidence of global warming to date. Though the thaw is not yet complete, predictions set the odds at greater than 50:50 for a full meltdown.

Disappearance of the arctic ice will allow, for the first time in modern days, countries near the pole access to the predicted natural resources uncovered by the melting. Though the environmental impacts are more symbolic than consequential, politically and economically, the consequences are substantial. (more…)

I, Slut: Girl-on-Girl Name-Calling

mean-girls.jpg

Ladies, gentlemen: I am a slut.

No two ways around it: I like sex. I like sex with lots of different people. I like sex in lots of different ways. I like talking about sex. I like writing about sex. So I go out, and I hook up, and I do not always stick around to cuddle. This doesn’t mean that I’m all messed up inside, or that I need men’s approval (if you look at my “to do” list, you’ll see that “caring about men’s approval” is on the bottom, directly beneath “personally oversee the freezing-over of Hell”), or that I can’t be faithful or intimate when I fall in looooove.

It’s tough to define my motives for sleeping around, but, if I had to make a guess, I think it might have something to do with the fact that I have a huge freaking pleasure center in my crotch, and it feels good when people touch it. So yeah: I’m a slut. I call myself a slut. I let my friends call me a slut. I even let my dude call me a slut, although that happens exclusively in bed. (more…)